Collection of: Funniest LOVE Quotes

love-funny

Shopping is better than sex. At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like.

– Adrienne Gusoff

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

– Agatha Christie

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed.

– Albert Einstein

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.

– Albert Einstein

Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

– Anonymous

You know it’s love when you want to keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty.

– Anonymous

The four most important words in any marriage…”I’ll do the dishes.”

– Anonymous

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.

– Anonymous

Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue. You can work hard and make it through the struggles; however, you usually leave your bobby socks and sneakers behind along the way.

– Anonymous

When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires.

– Anonymous

Men only have two faults….What they do, and what they say!

– Anonymous

You can’t buy love on eBay.

– Anonymous

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?

– Bette Midler

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.

– Brendan Francis

Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.

– Cathy Carlyle

Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.

– Cecilia Egan

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then marry him.

– Cher

Men aren’t necessities, they’re luxuries.

– Cher

By the time you swear you’re his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is infinite, undying -
Lady, make note of this: One of you is lying.

– Dorothy Parker

I’m always looking for meaningful one night stands.

– Dudley Moore

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

– Erma Bombeck

Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.

– Fran Lebowitz

It is impossible to love and be wise.

– Francis Bacon

Marriage marks the end of many short follies – being one long stupidity.

– Friedrich Nietzsche

Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.

– Fulton J. Sheen

Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.

– George Carlin

Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one.

– Glenn Beck

I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.

– Groucho Marx

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.

– Henry Kissinger

When we got married I told my wife “If you leave me, I’m going with you.

And she never did.

– James Fineous McBride

Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.

– Jean Kerr

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.

– Joan Crawford

It’s been so long since I made love,
I can’t even remember who gets tied up.

– Joan Rivers

Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.

– Joan Rivers

You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip.

– Jonathan Carroll

No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn’t take the first pill that comes along.

– Joyce Brothers

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

– Katharine Hepburn

True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one.

– La Rochefoucauld

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.

– Lily Tomlin

The only people who make love all the time are liars.

– Louis Jordan

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby…

– Natalie Wood

Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman.

– Oscar Wilde

Love is a grave mental disease.

– Plato

Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?

– Rita Rudner

All marriages are happy. It’s trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.

– Shelley Winters

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

– Steve Martin

A love without indiscretion is no lover at all.

– Thomas Hardy

Marriage is a great institution for those who like institutions.

– Tommy Dewar

Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.

– W. Somerset Maugham

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

– Walt Disney

Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

– Woody Allen

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty…

– Woody Allen

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.

– Woody Allen

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
– Helen Rowland

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
– Albert Einstein

To be in love is merely to be in a state of perpetual anesthesia – to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess.
– H.L. Mencken

Love is the gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everyone else.
– George Bernard Shaw

The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.
– George Bernard Shaw

The only true love is love at first sight; second sight dispels it.
– Israel Zangwill

To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.
– Bertrand Russell

Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.
– Jerome K. Jerome

Love is like any other luxury. You have no right to it unless you can afford it.
– Anthony Trollope

Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it. Let’s do it, let’s fall in love.
– Cole Porter

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. (Charlie Brown)
– Charles Schulz

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.”
– Charles Schulz

What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.
– Pearl Bailey

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.
– John Barrymore

Love ceases to be a pleasure, when it ceases to be a secret.
– Aphra Behn

I don’t trust or love anyone. Because people are so creepy. Creepy creepy creeps. Creeping around. Creeping here and creeping there. Creeping everywhere. Crippity crappity creepies.
– Vincent Gallo

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
– Erich Segal

The perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 A.M.
– Charles Pierce

Love lasteth as long as the money endureth.
– William Caxton

That love at first sight should happen to me, was Life’s most delicious revenge on a self-opinionated fool.
– Charles Boyer

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
– Lily Tomlin

A proof that experience is of no use, is that the end of one love does not prevent us from beginning another.
– Paul Bourget

Never go to bed mad — stay up and fight.
– Phyllis Diller

Once you have loved someone, you’d do anything in the world for them… except love them again.
– Anonymous

Love is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end.
– Anonymous

Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion.
– Mirabeau

Three things can’t be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love.
– Yiddish proverb

I detest ‘love lyrics.’ I think one of the causes of bad mental health in the United States is that people have been raised on ‘love lyrics.”
– Frank Zappa

I should like to see any kind of a man, distinguishable from a gorilla, that some good and even pretty woman could not shape a husband out of.
– Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

A woman might as well propose: her husband will claim she did.
– Edgar Watson Howe

An old man who marries a young wife grows younger – but she grows older.
– folk saying

It is not uncommon for slight acquaintances to get married, but a couple really have to know each other to get divorced.
– Anonymous

What female heart can despise gold?
– Thomas Gray

A lady of 47 who has been married 27 years and has six children knows what love really is and once described it for me like this: ‘Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.’
– James Thurber

I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
– Rita Rudner

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.
– Dorothy Parker

Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for.
– Mae West

It does not matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you do not do it in the street and frighten the horses.
– Mrs. Patrick Campbell

A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it.
– Don Fraser

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
– unknown

There are three kinds of men who do not understand women: Young, old, and middle-aged.
– Anonymous (and with good reason)

Women like me because I make them laugh. And what is an orgasm, except laughter of the loins?
– Mickey Rooney

There will be sex after death, we just won’t be able to feel it.
– Lily Tomlin

A bride at her second wedding does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting.
– Helen Rowland

Marriage is a fine institution – but I’m not ready for an institution.
– Mae West

My heart’s in the right place. I know, ‘cuz I hid it there.
– Carrie Fisher

My wife and I have sex almost every day of the week,” Milton Berle once said. “Yes, almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday.”
– Milton Berle

If you do kiss a politician, remember this: You are not only kissing him, you are kissing every butt that he has kissed in the last eight years.
– Jay Leno

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down.
– Woody Allen, Love and Death

We cannot really love anybody without whom we never laugh.
– Alice Reppler

The sincerest love is the love of food.
– Bernard Shaw

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can’t help but smile on it.
– Josh Billings

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.
– Unknown

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener!
– Unknown

The great question… which I have not been able to
answer… is, “What  ..does a woman want?”
– Freud

Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late.”
– Anonymous

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
– David Bissonette

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him
– Unknown
(I actually use this principle! HAHAHA! – PurpleRose)

Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.
– Ambrose Bierce

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law
– Anonymous

Man is better off than woman; he marries later and dies sooner.
– Anonymous

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
– Anonymous

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of person your spouse would have really preferred.
- Anonymous

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
-Oscar Wilde

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor

My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.
–Rodney Dangerfield

The most happy marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.
– Coleridge

One good husband is worth two good wives; for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued.
– Benjamin Franklin

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
– Henry Youngman

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
– Phyllis Diller

Arguments are unsafe with wives, because they examine them; but they do not examine compliments. One can pass upon a wife a compliment that is three-fourths base metal; she will not even bite it to see if it is good; all she notices is the size of it, not the quality.
– Hellfire Hotchkiss

All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.
– Lord Byron

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
– Jimmy Durante

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
– Anonymous

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
– Jim Backus

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.”
– George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close knit family in another city.”
– George Burns

I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.
– Patrick Murray.

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.”
– Anonymous

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday
is to forget it once!
– Woody Allen

Yawn – Nature’s way of letting married men open their mouths.
– Anon

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
– Anonymous

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.
– Anonymous

Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence!
– Anonymous

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
– Milton Berle

A wife is  someone who’ll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single.
– Unknown

I think… therefore I’m single.
– Anonymous

Collection: FREEDOM Quotes

Albert Einstein:

All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree. All these aspirations are directed toward ennobling man’s life, lifting it from the sphere of mere physical existence and leading the individual towards freedom.

Aldous Huxley:

Your true traveller finds boredom rather agreeable than painful. It is the symbol of his liberty – his excessive freedom. He accepts his boredom, when it comes, not merely philosophically, but almost with pleasure.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh:

Him that I love, I wish to be free — even from me.

Barbara Ehrenreich:

That’s free enterprise, friends: freedom to gamble, freedom to lose. And the great thing — the truly democratic thing about it — is that you don’t even have to be a player to lose.

Benjamin Franklin:

They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security

C. Wright Mills:

Freedom is not merely the opportunity to do as one pleases; neither is it merely the opportunity to choose between set alternatives. Freedom is, first of all, the chance to formulate the available choices, to argue over them — and then, the opportunity to choose.

Carl Shurz:

If you want to be free, there is but one way; it is to guarantee an equally full measure of liberty to all your neighbors. There is no other.

Charlie Daniels:

A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You’re free at last.

written en route to the funeral for his friend, Ronnie Van Zant of the band, Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Clarence Darrow:

You can only protect your liberties in this world by protecting the other man’s freedom. You can only be free if I am free.

Dorothy Thompson:

When liberty is taken away by force it can be restored by force. When it is relinquished voluntarily by default it can never be recovered.

Of all forms of government and society, those of free men and women are in many respects the most brittle. They give the fullest freedom for activities of private persons and groups who often identify their own interests, essentially selfish, with the general welfare.

It is not the fact of liberty but the way in which liberty is exercised that ultimately determines whether liberty itself survives.

Dwight D. Eisenhower:

We seek peace, knowing that peace is the climate of freedom.

Edward R. Murrow:

We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home.

Eleanor Holmes Norton:

The only way to make sure people you agree with can speak is to support the rights of people you don’t agree with.

Epictetus:

We must not believe the many, who say that only free people ought to be educated, but we should rather believe the philosophers who say that only the educated are free.

Discourses

Erich Fromm:

Human history begins with man’s act of disobedience which is at the very same time the beginning of his freedom and development of his reason.

Eugene V. Debs:

Years ago I recognized my kinship with all living things, and I made up my mind that I was not one bit better than the meanest on the earth. I said then and I say now, that while there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; while there is a soul in prison, I am not free.

Florynce Kennedy:

Freedom is like taking a bath — you have to keep doing it every day!

Franklin Delano Roosevelt:

The only sure bulwark of continuing liberty is a government strong enough to protect the interests of the people, and a people strong enough and well enough informed to maintain its sovereign control over the government.

True individual freedom cannot exist without economic security and independence.

Frederick Douglass:

Who would be free themselves must strike the blow. Better even to die free than to live slaves.

Those who profess to favor freedom and yet depreciate agitation, are people who want crops without ploughing the ground; they want rain without thunder and lightning; they want the ocean without the roar of its many waters. The struggle may be a moral one, or it may be a physical one, or it may be both. But it must be a struggle. Power concedes nothing without a demand; it never has and it never will.

Goethe:

None are so hopelessly enslaved as those who falsely believe they are free.

H. L. Mencken:

I believe that liberty is the only genuinely valuable thing that men have invented, at least in the field of government, in a thousand years. I believe that it is better to be free than to be not free, even when the former is dangerous and the latter safe. I believe that the finest qualities of man can flourish only in free air – that progress made under the shadow of the policeman’s club is false progress, and of no permanent value. I believe that any man who takes the liberty of another into his keeping is bound to become a tyrant, and that any man who yields up his liberty, in however slight the measure, is bound to become a slave.

The average man does not want to be free. He simply wants to be safe.

Henri-Frédéric Amiel:

Liberty, equality – bad principles! The only true principle for humanity is justice; and justice to the feeble is protection and kindness.

Henry David Thoreau:

Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison.

Gardening is civil and social, but it wants the vigor and freedom of the forest and the outlaw.

Hodding Carter:

There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One is roots; the other, wings.

Hubert Humphrey:

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.

James Baldwin:

Freedom is not something that anybody can be given. Freedom is something people take, and people are as free as they want to be.

Jean-Paul Sartre:

Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.

Jesse Jackson:

No one should negotiate their dreams. Dreams must be free to flee and fly high. No government, no legislature, has a right to limit your dreams. You should never agree to surrender your dreams.

John Adams:

There is danger from all men. The only maxim of a free government ought to be to trust no man living with power to endanger the public liberty.

John Dewey:

The only freedom that is of enduring importance is the freedom of intelligence, that is to say, freedom of observation and of judgment, exercised in behalf of purposes that are intrinsically worth while. The commonest mistake made about freedom is, I think, to identify it with freedom of movement, or, with the external or physical side of activity.

John F. Kennedy:

We are not afraid to entrust the American people with unpleasant facts, foreign ideas, alien philosophies, and competitive values. For a nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people.

The wave of the future is not the conquest of the world by a single dogmatic creed but the liberation of the diverse energies of free nations and free men.

Liberty without learning is always in peril and learning without liberty is always in vain.

John Lewis:

We live in a country where we’re supposed to have freedom of the press and religious freedom, but I think to some degree, there’s a sense of fear in America today, that if you say the wrong thing, what some people will consider what is wrong, if you step out of line, if you dissent, whether you be an entertainer, that somehow and some way this government or the forces to be will come down on you.

John P. Zenger:

No nation ancient or modern ever lost the liberty of freely speaking, writing, or publishing their sentiments, but forthwith lost their liberty in general and became slaves.

John Philpot Curran:

It is the common fate of the indolent to see their rights become a prey to the active. The condition upon which God hath given liberty to man is eternal vigilance; which condition if he break, servitude is at once the consequence of his crime and the punishment of his guilt. (1790)

John Stuart Mill:

The only part of the conduct of anyone for which he is amenable to society is that which concerns others. In the part which merely concerns himself, his independence is, of right, absolute. Over himself, over his own body and mind, the individual is sovereign.

The sole end for which mankind are warranted, individually or collectively, in interfering with the liberty of action of any of their number, is self-protection. That the only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilised community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others. His own good, either physical or moral, is not sufficient warrant. He cannot rightfully be compelled to do or forbear because it will be better for him to do so, because it will make him happier, because, in the opinion of others, to do so would be wise, or even right… The only part of the conduct of anyone, for which he is amenable to society, is that which concerns others. In the part which merely concerns himself, his independence is, of right, absolute. Over himself, over his own body and mind, the individual is sovereign.

Leonid Brezhnev:

The trouble with free elections is, you never know who is going to win.

Lillian Hellman:

For every man who lives without freedom, the rest of us must face the guilt.

Margaret Sanger:

A free race cannot be born of slave mothers.

Marianne Williamson:

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach:

As far as your self-control goes, as far goes your freedom.

Marilyn Ferguson:

Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom.

Mark Twain:

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have these three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence to practice neither.

Mohandas K. Gandhi:

Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote freedom to err.

Molly Ivins:

It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America.

Noam Chomsky:

For those who stubbornly seek freedom, there can be no more urgent task than to come to understand the mechanisms and practices of indoctrination. These are easy to perceive in the totalitarian societies, much less so in the system of ‘brainwashing under freedom’ to which we are subjected and which all too often we sere as willing or unwitting instruments.”

If we do not believe in freedom of speech for those we despise we do not believe in it at all.

In this possibly terminal phase of human existence, democracy and freedom are more than just ideals to be valued – they may be essential to survival.

Norman Thomas:

After I asked him what he meant, he replied that freedom consisted of the unimpeded right to get rich, to use his ability, no matter what the cost to others, to win advancement.

Patrick Henry:

Is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!

Pearl S. Buck:

None who have always been free can understand the terrible fascinating power of the hope of freedom to those who are not free.

Peyton Conway March:

There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life — happiness, freedom, and peace of mind — are always attained by giving them to someone else.

Rabbi Sherwin Wine:

There are two visions of America. One precedes our founding fathers and finds its roots in the harshness of our puritan past. It is very suspicious of freedom, uncomfortable with diversity, hostile to science, unfriendly to reason, contemptuous of personal autonomy. It sees America as a religious nation. It views patriotism as allegiance to God. It secretly adores coercion and conformity. Despite our constitution, despite the legacy of the Enlightenment, it appeals to millions of Americans and threatens our freedom.

The other vision finds its roots in the spirit of our founding revolution and in the leaders of this nation who embraced the age of reason. It loves freedom, encourages diversity, embraces science and affirms the dignity and rights of every individual. It sees America as a moral nation, neither completely religious nor completely secular. It defines patriotism as love of country and of the people who make it strong. It defends all citizens against unjust coercion and irrational conformity.

This second vision is our vision. It is the vision of a free society. We must be bold enough to proclaim it and strong enough to defend it against all its enemies.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:

For what avail the plough or sail,
Or land or life, if freedom fail?

“Boston” Stanza 15

Ramsey Clark:

A right is not what someone gives you; it’s what no one can take from you.

Robert Frost:

Freedom lies in being bold.

Rosa Luxemburg:

Without general elections, without unrestricted freedom of press and assembly, without a free struggle of opinion, life dies out in every public institution, becomes a mere semblance of life, in which only the bureaucracy remains as the active element.

Freedom is always and exclusively freedom for the one who thinks differently.

Sam Adams:

It is no dishonor to be in a minority in the cause of liberty and virtue.

If ye love wealth greater than liberty, the tranquility of servitude greater than the animating contest for freedom, go home from us in peace. We seek not your counsel, nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you; and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.

Simone Weil:

Liberty, taking the word in its concrete sense, consists in the ability to choose.

Somerset Maugham:

If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its freedom; and the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money that it values more, it will lose that too.

Soren Kierkegaard:

People hardly ever make use of the freedom they have. For example, the freedom of thought. Instead they demand freedom of speech as a compensation.

Thomas Jefferson:

A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine.

No man has a natural right to commit aggression on the equal rights of another, and this is all from which the laws ought to restrain him.

A wise and frugal government, which shall leave men free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor and bread it has earned — this is the sum of good government.

I have no fear that the result of our experiment will be that men may be trusted to govern themselves without a master.

I never submitted the whole system of my opinions to the creed of any party of men whatever, in religion, in philosophy, in politics or in anything else, where I was capable of thinking for myself. Such an addiction is the last degradation of a free and moral agent. If I could not go to Heaven but with a party, I would not go there at all.

Unknown:

[C]reative ability and personal responsibility are strongest when the mind is free from supernatural belief and operates in an atmosphere of freedom and democracy.

Victor Frankl:

Everything can be taken from a man but … the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

Virginia Woolf:

To enjoy freedom, if the platitude is pardonable, we have of course to control ourselves. We must not squander our powers, helplessly and ignorantly, squirting half the house in order to water a single rose-bush; we must train them, exactly and powerfully, here on the very spot.

The history of men’s opposition to women’s emancipation is more interesting perhaps than the story of that emancipation itself.

Voltaire:

So long as the people do not care to exercise their freedom, those who wish to tyrannize will do so; for tyrants are active and ardent, and will devote themselves in the name of any number of gods, religious and otherwise, to put shackles upon sleeping men.

Wendell Phillips:

Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.

-frequently misattributed to Thomas Jefferson

Wendy Kaminer:

Patriotism does not oblige us to acquiesce in the destruction of liberty. Patriotism obliges us to question it, at least. [source]

William O. Douglas:

Restriction of free thought and free speech is the most dangerous of all subversions. It is the one un-American act that could most easily defeat us.

Source: http://www.wisdomquotes.com/cat_freedom.html

Funny Computer and Geek Jokes

  • There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t
  • If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0
  • I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly
  • My software never has bugs. It just develops random features
  • Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF , All my base belongs to you
  • In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
  • Hand over the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk
  • I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code
  • Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…
  • The box said ‘Requires Windows 95 or better’. So I installed LINUX
  • A penny saved is 1.39 cents earned, if you consider income tax
  • Unix, DOS and Windows…the good, the bad and the ugly
  • A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila
  • The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong
  • UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity
  • Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
  • C://dos
    C://dos.run
    run.dos.run
  • You know it’s love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead
  • JUST SHUT UP AND REBOOT!!
  • 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
  • Alcohol & calculus don’t mix. Never drink & derive
  • How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  • There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer
  • Concept: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape button
  • It’s not bogus, it’s an IBM standard
  • Be nice to the nerds, for all you know they might be the next Bill Gates!
  • The farther south you go, the more dollar stores there are
  • Beware of programmers that carry screwdrivers
  • The difference between e-mail and regular mail is that computers handle e-mail, and computers never decide to come to work one day and shoot all the other computers
  • If you want a language that tries to lock up all the sharp objects and fire-making implements, use Pascal or Ada: the Nerf languages, harmless fun for children of all ages, and they won’t mar the furniture
  • COFFEE.EXE Missing – Insert Cup and Press Any Key
  • Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning
  • LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parentheses
  • The beginning of the programmer’s wisdom is understanding the difference between getting program to run and having a runnable program
  • Squash one bug, you’ll see ten new bugs popping
  • Everytime i time i touch my code, i give birth to ten new bugs
  • boast = blogging is open & amiable sharing of thoughts
  • We are sorry, but the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again
  • Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted
  • If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBO
  • Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner
  • Bad or corrupt header, go get a haircut
  • Unrecognized input, get out of the class
  • Warning! Buffer overflow, close the tumbler !
  • WinErr 547: LPT1 not found… Use backup… PENCIL & PAPER
  • Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
  • Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes
  • Best file compression around: “rm *.*” = 100% compression
  • Hackers in hollywood movies are phenomenal. All they need to do is “c:\> hack into fbi”
  • BREAKFAST.COM Halted…Cereal Port Not Responding
  • I survived an NT installation
  • The name is Baud……James Baud
  • My new car runs at 56Kbps
  • Why doesn’t DOS ever say “EXCELLENT command or filename!”
  • File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
  • Cannot read data, leech the next boy’s paper? (Y/N)
  • CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
  • Does fuzzy logic tickle?
  • Helpdesk : Sir, you need to add 10GB space to your HD , Customer : Could you please tell where I can download that?
  • Windows: Just another pane in the glass
  • Who’s General Failure & why’s he reading my disk?
  • RAM disk is not an installation procedure
  • Shell to DOS…Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS…
  • The truth is out there…anybody got the URL?
  • Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…..
  • E-mail returned to sender — insufficient voltage
  • Help! I’m modeming… and I can’t hang up!!!
  • All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
  • Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue
  • Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Mouse not attached. Please left click the ‘OK’ button to continue
  • Press any key to continue or any other key to quit…
  • Press every key to continue
  • Helpdesk: Sir if you see the blue screen, press any key to continue. Customer : hm.. just a min.. where’s that ‘any key’..
  • Idiot, Go ahead, make my data!
  • Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources
  • To err is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more so
  • (001) Logical Error CLINTON.SYS: Truth table missing
  • Clinton:/> READ | PARSE | WRITE | DUMP >> MONKIA.SYS
  • (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza
  • Computers can never replace human stupidity
  • A typical Yahoo! inbox : Inbox(0), Junk(9855210)
  • (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic?
  • Bugs come in through open Windows
  • Penguins love cold, they wont survive the sun
  • Unix is user friendly…its just selective about who its friends are
  • Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity
  • Bell Labs Unix — Reach out and grep someone.
  • To err is human…to really foul up requires the root password.
  • Invalid password : Please enter the correct password to (Abort / Retry / Ignore )
  • FUBAR – where Geeks go for a drink
  • I degaussed my girlfriend and I’m just not attracted to her anymore
  • Scandisk : Found 2 bad sectors. Please enter a new HD to continue scanning
  • Black holes are where God divided by zero
  • Hey! It compiles! Ship it!
  • Thank god, my baby just compiled
  • Yes! My code compiled, and my wife just produced the output
  • Windows 98 supports real multitasking – it can boot and crash simultaneously
  • Zap! And there was the blue screen !
  • Please send all spam to my main address, root@localhost :-)
  • MailerD(a)emon: You just received 9133547 spam. (O)pen all, (R)ead one by one, (C)heck for more spam
  • A: Can you teach me how to use a computer? B: No. I just fix the machines, I don’t use them
  • PayPal: Your funds have been frozen for 668974 days
  • 1-800-404 : The subscriber you are trying to call does not exist
  • 1-800-403 : Access to that subscriber was denied
  • Error message: “Out of paper on drive D:”
  • If I wanted a warm fuzzy feeling, I’d antialias my graphics!
  • A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
  • “Mr. Worf, scan that ship.” “Aye Captain. 300 dpi?”
  • Smith & Wesson: The Original Point And Click Interface
  • Shout onto a newsgroup : It echoes back flames and spam
  • Firewall : Intruder detected. (A)llow in (D)eactivate the firewall
  • Real programmers can write assembly code in any language
  • Warning! Perl script detected! (K)ill it , (D)eactivate it
  • Firewall : Do you want to place a motion detector on port 80 ?
  • Helpdesk: Sir, please refill your ink catridges Customer : Where can i download that?
  • All computers run at the same speed… with the power off
  • You have successfully logged in, Now press any key to log out
  • Sorry, the password you tried is already being used by Dorthy, please try something else.
  • Sorry, that username already exists. (O)verwrite it (C)ancel
  • Please send all flames, trolls, and complaints to /dev/toilet
  • Shut up, or i’ll flush you out
  • Cron : Enter cron command \ Now enter the number of minutes in an hour
  • We are experiencing system trouble — do not adjust your terminal
  • You have successfully hacked in, Welcome to the FBI mainframes.
  • I’m sorry, our software is perfect. The problem must be you
  • Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway
  • Webhost livehelp: Sir you ran out of bandwidth, User: Where can I download that?
  • If Ruby is not and Perl is the answer, you don’t understand the question
  • Having soundcards is nice… having embedded sound in web pages is not
  • My computer was full, so I deleted everything on the right half
  • You have received a new mail which is 195537 hours old
  • Yahoo! Mail: Your email was sent successfully. The email will delivered in 4 days and 8 hours
  • I’m sorry for the double slash (Tim Berners-Lee in a Panel Discussion, WWW7, Brisbane, 1998)
  • Ah, young webmaster… java leads to shockwave. Shockwave leads to realaudio. And realaudio leads to suffering
  • What color do you want that database?
  • C++ is a write-only language, once can write programs in C++, but I can’t read any of them
  • As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code
  • earth is 98% full … please delete anyone you can
  • A typical yahoo chat room: “A has signed in, A has signed out, B has signed in, B has signed out, C has signed in, C has signed out..”
  • When someone says “I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done,” give him a lollipop
  • Warning! No processor found! Press any key to continue
  • Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product
  • NT is the only OS that has caused me to beat a piece of hardware to death with my bare hands
  • Warning! Kernel crashed, Run for your lives !
  • NASA uses Windows? Oh great. If Apollo 13 went off course today the manual would just tell them to open the airlock, flush the astronauts out, and re-install new one
  • JavaScript: An authorizing language designed to make Netscape crash
  • How’s my programming? Call 1-800-DEV-NULL
  • Yes, friends and neighbors, boys and girls – my PC speaker crashed NT
  • root:> Sorry, you entered the wrong password, the correct password is ‘a_49qwXk’
  • New linux package released. Please install on /dev/null
  • Quake and uptime do not like each other
  • Unix…best if used before: Tue Jan 19 03:14:08 GMT 2038
  • As you well know, magic and weapons are prohibited inside the cafeteria — Final Fantasy VIII
  • Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft…and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labo
  • Unix is the only virus with a command line interface
  • Windows 95 makes Unix look like an operating system
  • How are we supposed to hack your system if it’s always down!
  • God is real, unless declared integer
  • I’m tempted to buy the slashdot staff a grammar checker. What do they do for 40 hours a week?
  • Paypal : Please enter your credit card number to continue
  • It takes a million monkeys at typewriters to write Shakespeare, but only a dozen monkeys at computers to run Network Solutions
  • Please help – firewall burnt down – lost packet – reward $$$
  • If Linux were a beer, it would be shipped in open barrels so that anybody could piss in it before delivery
  • Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle
  • Perl, the only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption
  • Norton: Incoming virus – (D)ownload and save (R)un after download
  • I had a dream… and there were 1′s and 0′s everywhere, and I think I saw a 2!
  • You sir, are an unknown USB device driver
  • C isn’t that hard: void (*(*f[])())() defines f as an array of unspecified size, of pointers to functions that return pointers to functions that return void

Source: http://www.kailashnadh.name/docs/geek_jokes/

Qoutes About Jesus Christ

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“The Christian is not one who has gone all the way with Christ. None of us has. The Christian is one who has found the right road.”
- Allen, Charles L.

“Jesus whom I know as my Redeemer cannot be less than God.”
- Athanasius, St.

“Thinking as I do that the Creator of this world is a very cruel being, and being a worshipper of Christ, I cannot help saying: the Son, O how unlike the Father! First God Almighty comes with a thump on the head. Then Jesus Christ comes with a balm to heal it.”
- Blake, William

“Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne, and myself founded empires; but what foundation did we rest the creations of our genius? Upon force. Jesus Christ founded an empire upon love; and at this hour millions of men would die for Him.”
- Bonaparte, Napoleon

“Jesus Christ, the condescension of divinity, and the exaltation of humanity.”
- Brooks, Phillips

“A lot of people say to me, Why did you kill Christ? I dunno… it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know. We killed him because he didn’t want to become a doctor, that’s why we killed him.”
- Bruce, Lenny

“In every pang that rends the heart the Man of Sorrows has a part.”
- Bruce, Michael

“I love to hear my Lord spoken of, and wherever I have seen the print of His shoe in the earth, there have I coveted to put mine also.”
- Bunyan, John

“Each eye can have its vision separately; but when we are looking at anything our vision, which in itself is divided, joins up and unites in order to give itself as a whole to the object that is put before it.”
- Calvin, John

“None speak of the bravery, the might, or the intellect of Jesus; but the devil is always imagined as a being of acute intellect, political cunning, and the fiercest courage. These universal and instinctive tendencies of the human mind reveal much.”
- Child, Lydia M.

“The Lord has turned all our sunsets into sunrise.”
- Clement of Alexandria

“The blood of Jesus Christ can cover a multitude of sins, it seems to me.”
- Diderot, Denis

“The most pressing question on the problem of faith is whether a man as a civilized being can believe in the divinity of the Son of God, Jesus Christ, for therein rests the whole of our faith.”
- Dostoevsky, Fyodor

“To become Christ-like is the only thing in the whole world worth caring for, the thing before which every ambition of man is folly and all lower achievement vain.”
- Drummond, Henry

“By a Carpenter mankind was made, and only by that Carpenter can mankind be remade.”
- Erasmus, Desiderius

“Above all the grace and the gifts that Christ gives to his beloved is that of overcoming self.”
- Francis of Assisi, St.

“A man who was completely innocent, offered himself as a sacrifice for the good of others, including his enemies, and became the ransom of the world. It was a perfect act.”
- Gandhi, Mahatma

“Jesus was the first socialist, the first to seek a better life for mankind.”
- Gorbachev, Mikhail

“The men who followed Him were unique in their generation. They turned the world upside down because their hearts had been turned right side up. The world has never been the same.”
- Graham, Billy

“No man ever loved like Jesus. He taught the blind to see and the dumb to speak. He died on the cross to save us. He bore our sins. And now God says, Because He did, I can forgive you.”
- Graham, Billy

“Jesus Christ is God’s everything for man’s total need.”
- Halverson, Richard

“Jesus Christ turns life right-side-up, and heaven outside-in.”
- Henry, Carl F. H.

“I wouldn’t put it past God to arrange a virgin birth if He wanted, but I very much doubt if He would.”
- Jenkins, David

“He comes into the world God knows how, walks on the water, gets out of his grave and goes up off the Hill of Howth. What drivel is this?”
- Joyce, James

“No one else holds or has held the place in the heart of the world which Jesus holds. Other gods have been as devoutly worshipped; no other man has been so devoutly loved.”
- Knox, John

“All that I am I owe to Jesus Christ, revealed to me in His divine Book.”
- Livingstone, David

“You should point to the whole man Jesus and say, That is God.”
- Luther, Martin

“Jesus says, I love you just the way you are. And I love you too much to let you stay the way you are.”
- Lyons, Chris

“We believe that the history of the world is but the history of His influence and that the center of the whole universe is the cross of Calvary.”
- Maclaren, Alexander

“The greatest thing about any civilization is the human person, and the greatest thing about this person is the possibility of his encounter with the person of Jesus Christ.”
- Malik, Charles

“Jesus promised His disciples three things: that they would be entirely fearless, absurdly happy, and that they would get into trouble.”
- Maltby, W. Russell

“I believe in person to person. Every person is Christ for me, and since there is only one Jesus, that person is the one person in the world at that moment.”
- Mother Teresa

“There is but one love of Jesus, as there is but one person in the poor — Jesus. We take vows of chastity to love Christ with undivided love; to be able to love him with undivided love we take a vow of poverty which frees us from all material possessions, and with that freedom we can love him with undivided love, and from this vow of undivided love we surrender ourselves totally to him in the person who takes his place.”
- Mother Teresa

“The word Christianity is already a misunderstanding — in reality there has been only one Christian, and he died on the Cross.”
- Nietzsche, Friedrich

“Jesus was a brilliant Jewish stand-up comedian, a phenomenal improviser. His parables are great one-liners.”
- Paglia, Camille

“Only Christ could have conceived Christ.”
- Parker, Joseph

“Jesus is the God whom we can approach without pride and before whom we can humble ourselves without despair.”
- Pascal, Blaise

“God speaks to me not through the thunder and the earthquake, nor through the ocean and the stars, but through the Son of Man, and speaks in a language adapted to my imperfect sight and hearing.”
- Phelps, William Lyon

“A heroic figure… not wholly to blame for the religion that’s been foisted on him.”
- Pound, Ezra

“Let us pardon him his hope of a vain apocalypse, and of a second coming in great triumph upon the clouds of heaven. Perhaps these were the errors of others rather than his own; and if it be true that he himself shared the general illusion, what matters it, since his dream rendered him strong against death, and sustained him in a struggle to which he might otherwise have been unequal?”
- Renan, Ernest

“Never has any one been less a priest than Jesus, never a greater enemy of forms, which stifle religion under the pretext of protecting it. By this we are all his disciples and his successors; by this he has laid the eternal foundation-stone of true religion; and if religion is essential to humanity, he has by this deserved the Divine rank the world has accorded him.”
- Renan, Ernest

“Two thousand years ago there was One here on this earth who lived the grandest life that ever has been lived yet–a life that every thinking man, with deeper or shallower meaning, has agreed to call divine.”
- Robertson, Frederick W.

“The Galilean is not a favorite of mine. So far from owing him any thanks for his favor, I cannot avoid confessing that I owe a secret grudge to his carpentership.”
- Shelley, Percy Bysshe

“The name of Jesus is as ointment poured forth; It nourishes, and illumines, and stills the anguish of the soul.”
- Silesius, Angelus

“I am pretty sure that we err in treating these sayings as paradoxes. It would be nearer the truth to say that it is life itself which is paradoxical and that the sayings of Jesus are simply a recognition of that fact.”
- Taylor, Thomas

“Christianity takes for granted the absence of any self-help and offers a power which is nothing less than the power of God.”
- Tozer, A. W.

“I thank God for the honesty and virility of Jesus religion which makes us face the facts and calls us to take a man’s part in the real battle of life.”
- Dyke, Henry Van

“Somewhere in the bible it say Jesus hair was like lamb’s wool, I say. Well, say Shug, if he came to any of these churches we talking bout he’d have to have it conked before anybody paid him any attention. The last thing niggers want to think about they God is that his hair kinky.”
- Walker, Alice

“Every time that I think of the crucifixion of Christ, I commit the sin of envy.”
- Weil, Simone

Source: http://www.quotationsbook.com/

Funny Work Quotes

HAM AND EGGS – A day’s work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.
More funny Anonymous quotes

***Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
More funny Edgar Bergen quotes

***Conway’s Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on – This person must be fired.
More funny Anonymous quotes

***Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.
More funny Robert Orben quotes

***Satisfaction Guaranteed or Double Your Garbage Back.
More funny Garbage Truck quotes

***Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell ‘em, “Certainly, I can!” Then get busy and find out how to do it.
More funny Theodore Roosevelt quotes

***Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
More funny Anonymous quotes

***I am a friend of the workingman, I would rather be his friend than be one.
More funny Clarence Darrow quotes

***The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit.
More funny Dwight Morrow quotes

***The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
More funny Bove’s Theorem quotes

***If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
More funny Cannon’s Law quotes

***No project was ever completed on time and within budget.
More funny Cheops Law quotes

***People are always available for work in the past tense.
More funny Zymurgy’s Law of Volunteer Labour quotes

***If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.
More funny Lane Kirkland quotes

***We’re not Prince Charles and Princess Di. We don’t think of ourselves as royalty. We happen to be working people.
More funny Christie Brinkley quotes

***In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse. – Archie Bunker
More funny Carroll O’Connor quotes

***Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
More funny Oscar Wilde quotes

***An ant on the move does more than a dozing ox.
More funny Lao Tzu quotes

***One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.
More funny Bertrand Russell quotes

***I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
More funny Jerome K. Jerome quotes

***The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more.
More funny Jonas Salk quotes

***I make a lot of money, but I don’t want to talk about that. I work very hard and I’m worth every cent.
More funny Naomi Campbell quotes

***A bum asked me “Give me $10 till payday.” I asked “When’s payday?” He said “I don’t know, you’re the one who is working!”
More funny Henny Youngman quotes

***I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he’s out of.
More funny Henny Youngman quotes

***I don’t know Laura Bush. But she seems to be calm, and she has a sparkle in her eye, which is good. But I don’t know that she’s ever had a real job – I mean, since she’s been grown up.
More funny Teresa Heinz Kerry quotes

***I didn’t have to work till I was three. But after that, I never stopped.
More funny Martha Raye quotes

***Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy.
More funny Huey Long quotes

***Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. (Charlie McCarthy)
More funny Charlie McCarthy quotes

***If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.
More funny Claude McDonald quotes

***People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The trouble is they want a week’s pay for it.
More funny Joey Adams quotes

***So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said ‘You’ve been promoted.’ And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said “You’ve been promoted again.’ And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said ‘You’re managing director.’ And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said ‘What happened to you?’ And I said ‘I careered off the road.
More funny Tim Vine quotes

***Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.
More funny John Ciardi quotes

***Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason why so few engage in it.
More funny Henry Ford quotes

***Working gets in the way of living.
More funny Omar Sharif quotes

***Why is it men are permitted to be obsessed about their work, but women are only permitted to be obsessed about men?
More funny Barbra Streisand quotes

***I mean what good does it do anyone to kill themselves working, because the worms will get you in the end.
More funny Dorothy Gish quotes

***What do hookers do on their nights off—type?
More funny Elayne Boosler quotes

***Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
More funny William Archibald Spooner quotes

***I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
More funny Charles Lamb quotes

***The harder I work the luckier I get.
More funny Samuel Goldwyn quotes

Source: http://www.basicjokes.com/

“FRIEND” Jokes

Train Tickets
Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asked an accountant.”Watch and you’ll see”, answered an engineer.

They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed into a rest room and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, “Ticket, please”. The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was a quite clever idea.

So, after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn’t buy a ticket at all. “How are you going to ride without a ticket”? said one perplexed accountant.”Watch and you’ll see”, answered an engineer. When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding.

He knocked on the door and said, “Ticket, please”.

Source: http://www.friendshipday.org/jokes-for-friends.html

Money, money, money

It can buy a House
But not a Home
It can buy a Bed
But not Sleep
It can buy a Clock
But not Time
It can buy you a Book
But not Knowledge
It can buy you a Position
But not Respect
It can buy you Medicine
But not Health
It can buy you Blood
But not Life
So you see, Money isn’t everything. And it often causes pain and suffering.
I tell you all this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering…

So send me all your money and I will suffer for you.
A more true Friend you will never find :)

Do your homework – step by step

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
4. Stop off at another floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn’t started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-through plastic folders, drop him.
5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
7. You know, you haven’t written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You’d better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
9. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that’s it– I mean it! As soon as it’s over you are going to start that paper.
10. Listen to the other side.
11. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
12. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he’s started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the university, and the world at large.
13. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
14. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor its special flavor.
15. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren’t missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon, is truly worthwhile.
16. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on channel 26.
17. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.
18. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
19. Look through your roommate’s book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.
20. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
21. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.
22. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
23. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it.
24. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
25. Lie face down on the floor and scream at the top of your lungs.
26. Leap up and write the paper.
27. Type the paper.
28. Complain to everyone that you didn’t get any sleep because you had to write the paper.

Source: http://www.theholidayspot.com/friendship/jokes.htm

Heaven and Hell

John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends. One night, they both died in a terrible car accident.

When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob but could not find him anywhere. Very distraught, he ran to St. Peter and said, “St. Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with me, but I can’t find him!”

St. Peter said, “My son, I am sorry to tell you Bob didn’t make it to Heaven.”

This upset John so much that St. Peter agreed to let him see Bob one more time. St. Peter parted the clouds and John saw Bob sitting in hell with a keg on one side and a beautiful buxom blonde on the other.

John looked at St. Peter skeptically and said, “Are you sure I’m in the right place?”

“My son,” St. Peter said, “looks can be deceiving. You see that keg of beer? It has a hole in it. You see that woman? She doesn’t!”

Brother Died

Two friends met on the street and one said, “I heard your brother died. What happened?”

“It was very sad,” the other replied. “Lettuce killed him.”

“How could lettuce kill a man?”

“He bought lettuce at the market and asked the store owner how to keep it fresh”

“The owner told him, ‘Put your head in a plastic bag, tie it tight and put it in the refrigerator.’”

Key

A man decided to march in the holy crusades.

Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend.

He tells him, “If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life.”

So, the husband leaves on horseback.

About a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him.

He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend. “What’s wrong?” he asks.

“You gave me the wrong key!”

With Pride

Two elderly friends, Jack and Tom, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Jack didn’t show up. Tom didn’t think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.

But after Jack hadn’t shown up for a week or so, Tom got worried. Unfortunately he didn’t know where Jack lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

After a month passed, Tom figured he had seen the last of Jack, but one day, Tom approached the park and — lo and behold there sat Jack ! Tom, excited and happy, said how glad he was to see him, then blurted out, “For crying out loud, what on earth happened to you?”

“I’ve been in jail,” Jack said, with some embarrassment.

“Jail?” cried Tom. “What in the world for?”

“Well,” Jack said, “you know Marilyn , that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where we sometimes go?”

“Yeah,” said Tom, “I remember her. What about her?”

“Well, one day she filed rape charges against me and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded ‘guilty’.

“And you were convicted of rape?”, asked Tom, stunned.

Jack replied, “No, the judge gave me thirty days for perjury.”

Future Plan

A guy meets a childhood pal.

“What are you doing for yourself these days?”

“I’m a fireman.”

“Oh yeah? My 15-year-old kid wants to be a fireman.”

“Well, if you want some good advice, you’ve got to install in your house a pole that will go to the basement so your kid can practice, ’cause the hardest thing for a fireman is to jump off into space and catch that pole in the middle of the night.”

Ten years later, the two guys happen to meet again.

“Well, did your son become a fireman?”

“No, but I have two daughters who are “dancers.”

Fault

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man below says: “Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude.”

“You must be an engineer” says the balloonist.

“I am” replies the man. “How did you know.”

“Well” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.”

The man below says “You must be a manager.”

“I am” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well”, says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault.”

Confession

Two men were talking about their exploits with women. One of the men began feeling terrible about some of the things that he had done, so he decided to make a stop into his parish church and go to confession.

He told his friend, ‘Just a minute, I’ll be right back.’ He went into the church and decided to go to confession. He went into the confessional and said to the priest, ‘Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I have had two extramarital affairs.’

The priest replied, ‘You need to say forty Hail Mary’s, and I also need to know if the women were members of my parish.’

The man said, ‘Yes, Father, they were.’ The priest then said that he was required to tell the names of the two women.

The man said, ‘Father, I don’t kiss and tell…’

The priest said, ‘Well, was one of them Mrs. O’ Brian?’

The man said, ‘No, Father!’

The priest asked, ‘Well, was one of them Mrs. Swenson?’

Exasperated, the man said, ‘No, Father, I’m not telling you the names of the women!’ and then quickly left the confessional.

As he approached the bottom of the church steps, his friend asked, ‘So, how did it go?’

The man said, ‘Great! Only forty Hail Mary’s… and I got two hot leads!’

Fashion Sense

A farmer was at a diner one day having lunch when he noticed an old friend. What really caught his attention was that this friend was wearing an earring.

The farmer knew his old buddy to be a fairly conservative fellow, and was curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”

The farmer walked up to him and said, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”

“Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,” the fellow replied sheepishly.

The farmer was silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity got the best of him and he asked “So, how long have you been wearing one?”

“Ever since my wife found it in my truck,” the man replied.

Three Buddies

Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation.

They are all asked, ‘When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first guy says, ‘I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time and a great family man.’

The second guy says, ‘I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.’

The last guy replies, ‘I would like to hear them say, ‘Look, he’s moving!’

Two Types of Friends

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A simple friend doesn’t know your parents’ first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and clean.

A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about their problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A real friend knows that it’s not a friendship until after you’ve had a fight.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!

Source: http://www.hijokes.com/friends

Love and Romance Quotes

You know you are in love when you see the world in her eyes, and her eyes everywhere in the world. ~David Levesque

When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out. ~Elizabeth Bowen

Love isn’t blind; it just only sees what matters. ~William Curry

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. ~Bill Wilson

Love is smiling on the inside and out. ~Jennifer Williams

Love one another and you will be happy. It’s as simple and as difficult as that. ~Michael Leunig

To love another person is to see the face of God. ~Victor Hugo

Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition. ~Alexander Smith

Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship – never. ~Charles Caleb Colton

There is no remedy for love but to love more. ~Henry David Thoreau

We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh. ~Agnes Repplier

To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best. ~William M. Thackeray

True love never dies for it is lust that fades away. Love bonds for a lifetime but lust just pushes away. ~Alicia Barnhart

If so many men, so many minds, certainly so many hearts, so many kinds of love. ~Leo Tolstoy

Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here. ~Marianne Williamson

Love, like a river, will cut a new path whenever it meets an obstacle. ~Crystal Middlemas

There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved. ~George Sand

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost. ~G. K. Chesterton

Love is a moment that lasts forever… ~Julie Wittey

Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds. ~William Shakespeare

Love is something you can’t describe, like the look of a rose, the smell of the rain, or the feeling of forever. ~Kristen Kappel

Like a child’s infinite dreams, is the endlessness of love. ~Renee Tripp

A mighty pain to love it is, and ’tis a pain that pain to miss; but of all the pains, the greatest pain is to love, but love in vain. ~Abraham Crowley

True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen. ~La Rochefoucauld

Tell me whom you love and I will tell you who you are. ~Houssaye

Love is shown in your deeds, not in your words. ~Fr. Jerome Cummings

Where there is love there is life. ~Gandhi

We look forward to the time when the power to love of will replace the love of power. Then will our world know the blessings of peace. ~William Gladstone

Love that is true never grows old. ~Elben Bano

Love reminds you that nothing else matters. ~Amy Bushell

Love is more than a feeling; it’s a state of mind. ~Lisa Grude

Love is like a blazing flame, golden and full of warmth. ~Ben Oliver

Love is like a piece of art work, even the smallest bit can be so beautiful. ~Stacie Cunningham

Love is sweet, delicate, dreamy: an eternity of gorgeous moments. ~Sarah Montgomery

To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage. ~Lao Tzu

Romance is the fuel that keeps love burning hot. ~Rusty Silvey

If you would be loved, love and be lovable. ~Benjamin Franklin

Love, the key that unlocks the bars of impossibility. ~Fikayo Ositelu

‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. ~Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Love is when you look into someone’s eyes and see their heart. ~Jill Petty

Real love is feeling like being a part of that person’s life almost isn’t enough. It’s more like a feeling that you would live in the same skin with them if you could and share every thought, heart beat, and emotion as one. ~Rod Cannon

Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another’s personhood. ~Karen Casey

If you judge people, you have no time to love them. ~Mother Theresa

Source: http://hubpages.com/hub/Quotes_About_Love

Prayer and Intercession Quotes

Some people pray just to pray and some people pray to know God. –Andrew Murray

There is a mighty lot of difference between saying prayers and praying. –John G. Lake

You may pray for an hour and still not pray. You may meet God for a moment and then be in touch with Him all day. –Fredrik Wisloff

I have so much to do that I spend several hours in prayer before I am able to do it.—John Wesley

I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had absolutely no other place to go. — Abraham Lincoln

Always respond to every impulse to pray. The impulse to pray may come when you are reading or when you are battling with a text. I would make an absolute law of this – always obey such an impulse. –Martyn Lloyd-Jones

Wishing will never be a substitute for prayer. –Ed Cole

One can believe intellectually in the efficacy of prayer and never do any praying. –Catherine Marshall

Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?– Corrie Ten Boom

Pray often, for prayer is a shield to the soul, a sacrifice to God, and a scourge for Satan –John Bunyan

Of all the duties enjoined by Christianity none is more essential and yet more neglected than prayer. –François Fénelon

The only way to Heaven is prayer; a prayer of the heart, which every one is capable of, and not of reasonings which are the fruits of study, or exercise of the imagination, which, in filling the mind with wandering objects, rarely settle it; instead of warming the heart with love to God, they leave it cold and languishing. –Jeanne Guyon

We must alter our lives in order to alter our hearts, for it is impossible to live one way and pray another. –William Law

The Third Petition of the Lord’s Prayer is repeated daily by millions who have not the slightest intention of letting anyone’s will be done but their own.–Aldous Huxley

Is the Son of God praying in me, or am I dictating to Him?….Prayer is not simply getting things from God, that is a most initial form of prayer; prayer is getting into perfect communion with God. If the Son of God is formed in us by regeneration, He will press forward in front of our common sense and change our attitude to the things about which we pray. –Oswald Chambers

Those who know God the best are the richest and most powerful in prayer. Little acquaintance with God, and strangeness and coldness to Him, make prayer a rare and feeble thing. –E. M. Bounds

How often have we prayed something like, “O Lord, be with cousin Billy now in a special way”? Have we stopped to consider what it is we’re requesting? Imagine that you are a parent who is preparing to leave your children with a babysitter. Would you dream of saying, “O Betsy, I ask you now that you would be with my children in a special way?” No way. You would say, “Betsy, the kids need to be in bed by 9 pm. They can have one snack before their baths, and please make sure they finish their homework. You can reach us at this number if there’s any problem. Any questions before we go?” We are very specific with our requests and instructions for our babysitters. We want them to know specifics. It should be no different with prayer. –David Jeremiah

There is a general kind of praying which fails for lack of precision. It is as if a regiment of soldiers should all fire off their guns anywhere. Possibly somebody would be killed, but the majority of the enemy would be missed. –Charles Haddon Spurgeon

When a Christian shuns fellowship with other Christians, the devil smiles. When he stops studying the Bible, the devil laughs. When he stops praying, the devil shouts for joy. –Corrie Ten Boom

When I pray, coincidences happen, and when I don’t pray, they don’t. –William Temple

Faith in a prayer-hearing God will make a prayer-loving Christian. –Andrew Murray

Do you know what prayer is? It is not begging God for this and that. The first thing we have to do is to get you beggars to quit begging until a little faith moves in your souls. –John G. Lake

Those who do not believe do not pray. This is a good functional definition of faith. Faith prays, unbelief does not. –John A. Hardon

Pray, and let God worry. — Martin Luther

Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers, pray for powers equal to your task. –Phillips Brooks

This is our Lord’s will… that our prayer and our trust be, alike, large.– Julian of Norwich

If you can’t pray a door open, don’t pry it open.– Lyell Rader

God’s answers are wiser than our prayers. –Unknown

There are more tears shed over answered prayers than over unanswered prayers. –Teresa of Avila

God does not delay to hear our prayers because He has no mind to give; but that, by enlarging our desires, He may give us the more largely. –Anselm of Canterbury

We waste most of our time trying to get God to do something He has already done—or praying for God to do something He told us to do. –Jacquelyn K. Heasley

If God will do whatever He wishes, regardless of whether we pray or not, then we do not need to pray at all, and the Lord’s instructions on praying for the Kingdom and the Will are superfluous. But the truth is that God waits for a Remnant to rise up and to pray in agreement with His Purpose before He does anything – He will do nothing apart from the Church. Apart from HIM, we CAN do nothing; apart from US, He WILL do nothing –Chip Brogden

We lean to our own understanding, or we bank on service and do away with prayer, and consequently by succeeding in the external we fail in the eternal, because in the eternal we succeed only by prevailing prayer. –Oswald Chambers

The Church is looking for better methods; God is looking for better men. The Holy Ghost does not flow through methods, but through men. He does not come on machinery, but on men. He does not anoint plans, but men…Men of prayer.” –E. M. Bounds

Prayer in its highest form is agonizing soul sweat. –Leonard Ravenhill

Let the fires go out in the boiler room of the church and the place will still look smart and clean, but it will be cold. The Prayer Room is the boiler room for its spiritual life. –Leonard Ravenhill

How different the world would look, how different the state of our nation would be, if there were more sanctified priestly souls! These are souls who have the power to bless, for they intercede with sanctified hearts. They never begin their daily time of intercessory prayer without having first brought to the cross all that is unholy in their lives, so that their old self can be crucified there with Jesus, the sacrificial Lamb. –Basilea Schlink

The Church has not yet touched the fringe of the possibilities of intercessory prayer. Her largest victories will be witnessed when individual Christians everywhere come to recognize their priesthood unto God and day by day give themselves unto prayer. –John R. Mott

I must secure more time for private devotions. I have been living far too public for me. The shortening of devotions starves the soul, it grows lean and faint. I have been keeping too late hours. –William Wilberforce

We hear it said that a man will suffer in his life is he does not pray; I question it. What will suffer is the life of the Son of God within him, which is nourished not by food but by prayer…Prayer is the way the life of God is nourished. –Oswald Chambers

Why is it so important that you are with God and God alone on the mountain top? It’s important because it’s the place in which you can listen to the voice of the One who calls you the beloved. To pray is to listen to the One who calls you “my beloved daughter,” “my beloved son,” “my beloved child.” To pray is to let that voice speak to the center of your being, to your guts, and let that voice resound in your whole being. –Henri Nouwen

So when we sing, ‘Draw me nearer, nearer, blessed Lord,’ we are not thinking of the nearness of place, but of the nearness of relationship. It is for increasing degrees of awareness that we pray, for a more perfect consciousness of the divine Presence. We need never shout across the spaces to an absent God. He is nearer than our own soul, closer than our most secret thoughts. –A.W. Tozer

The lover of silence draws close to God. He talks to Him in secret and God enlightens him. –John Climacus

Tell God all that is in your heart, as one unloads one’s heart, its pleasures and its pains, to a dear friend. Tell God your troubles, that God may comfort you; tell God your joys, that God may sober them; tell God your longings, that God may purify them; tell God your dislikes, that God may help you conquer them; talk to God of your temptations, that God may shield you from them: show God the wounds of your heart, that God may heal them. If you thus pour out all your weaknesses, needs, troubles, there will be no lack of what to say. Talk out of the abundance of the heart, without consideration say just what you think. Blessed are they who attain to such familiar, unreserved intercourse with God. –Francois Fenelon

Our ordinary views of prayer are not found in the New Testament. We look upon prayer as a means for getting something for ourselves; the Bible idea of prayer is that we may get to know God Himself. –Oswald Chambers

If you are sick, fast and pray; if the language is hard to learn, fast and pray; if the people will not hear you, fast and pray, if you have nothing to eat, fast and pray. – Frederick Franson

Men may spurn our appeals, reject our message, oppose our arguments, despise our persons; but they are helpless against our prayers. –J. Sidlow Baxter

Notice, we never pray for folks we gossip about, and we never gossip about the folk for whom we pray! For prayer is a great deterrent. –Leonard Ravenhill

God never gives us discernment in order that we may criticize, but that we may intercede. — Oswald Chambers

There is nothing that makes us love a man so much as praying for him. –William Law

Rich is the person who has a praying friend. –Janice Hughes

A servant of the Lord stands bodily before men, but mentally he is knocking at the gates of heaven with prayer. –John Climacus

It is necessary to rouse the heart to pray, otherwise it will become quite dry. The attributes of prayer must be: love of God, sincerity, and simplicity. –John of Kronstadt

Whether we think of or speak to God; whether we act or suffer for him; all is prayer when we have no other object than his love, and the desire of pleasing him. –John Wesley

Accustom yourself gradually to carry Prayer into all your daily occupation — speak, act, work in peace, as if you were in prayer, as indeed you ought to be. –François Fénelon

The true spirit of prayer is no other than God’s own Spirit dwelling in the hearts of the saints. And as this spirit comes from God, so doth it naturally tend to God in holy breathings and pantings. It naturally leads to God, to converse with him by prayer. –Jonathan Edwards

God does not stand afar off as I struggle to speak. He cares enough to listen with more than casual attention. He translates my scrubby words and hears what is truly inside. He hears my sighs and uncertain gropings as fine prose. –Timothy Jones

Prayer is not a discourse. It is a form of life, the life with God. That is why it is not confined to the moment of verbal statement. –Jacques Ellul

In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart. — John Bunyan

When a man has found the Lord, he no longer has to use words when he is praying, for the Spirit Himself will intercede for him with groans that cannot be uttered. –John Climacus

Prayer is not so much an act as it is an attitude—an attitude of dependency, dependency upon God. –Arthur W. Pink

There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful than that of a continual conversation with God. –Brother Lawrence

Prayer does not fit us for the greater work, prayer is the greater work. –Oswald Chambers

Source: http://www.tentmaker.org

A Collection: Marriage Quotes

  • “A man in love is incomplete until he he is married. Then he’s finished.”
    By: Zsa Zsa Gabor

  • “A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.”
    By: Zsa Zsa Gabor
  • “I was married once–in San Francisco. I haven’t seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There’s no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren’t all bad.”
    By: W.C. Fields
  • “I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it’s around the woman’s neck.”
    By: W.C Fields
  • “I’ve taken my fun where I’ve found it, An’ now I must pay for my fun, For the more you ‘ave known o’ the others The less will you settle to one.”
    By: Rudyard Kipling
  • “And a woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.”
    By: Rudyard Kipling

  • “With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!”
    By: Rodney Dangerfield
  • “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met!”
    By: Rodney Dangerfield

  • “That’s when you know you’re a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream.”
    By: Ray Romano(Everything and a kite)

  • “For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to say married, get two.”
    By: Ray Romano(Everything and a kite)

  • “Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.”
    By: Groucho Marx (Memoirs of a Mangy Lover)

  • “The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.”
    By: Groucho Marx

  • “Marriage is a wonderful institution…but who wants to live in an institution?”
    By: Groucho Marx

  • “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”
    By: Groucho Marx

  • “It is a woman’s business to get married as soon as possible, and a man’s to keep unmarried as long as he can.”
    By: George Bernard Shaw

  • “I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, What will you have, sir? And I said, A glass of hemlock.”
    By: Ernest Hemingway

  • “It would have been a wonderful wedding – had it not been mine.”
    By: Erma Bombeck (A Marriage made in Heaven)

  • “The way to fight your wife is with your hat – Grab it and run”
    By: Anon

  • “Yawn – Nature’s way of letting married men open their mouths”
    By: Anon

  • “Marriage is about the most expensive way for the average man to get laundry done”
    By: Unknown

Source: http://quotes.maxabout.com

A Collection: Inspirational Poems

poetry

Achieve Your Dreams
(One of the classic inspirational poems)
by Unknown

Life is what happens while you are making other plans.

A person of words and not deeds is like a garden full of weeds.

It’s better to be trusted than liked, Underpromise – Overperform.
The key to happiness and success is to have a dream.
All the flowers of tomorrow are in the seeds of today.
You always pass failure on the way to success.

You have to wake up in order for your dreams to come true.
Don’t let lack of praise nip you in the bud.
The surest way to go broke is to sit around and wait for a break.
The only thing worse than an alarm going off is the one that doesn’t.

An ego trip won’t get you anywhere.
The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is just that little extra.
If you want the rainbow you gotta put up with the rain.
Count your age by friends, Count your life by smiles.

A natural tendency is to want to be understood rather than understand.
Don’t prepare for rainy days without enjoying today’s sunshine.
Keep your heart a little softer than your head.
Don’t think there are no crocodiles just because the water is calm.

Stand for something or you’ll fall for anything.
Growing old is when fun is a lot more work.
Never insult a crocodile until you’ve crossed the river.
If you don’t lie down no one can walk on you.

If you think things improve with age attend a class reunion.
A good scare is sometimes worth more to a man than good advice.
Motivation is when your dreams put on work clothes.
We have two ears and one mouth, Think twice, speak once!

Experience is the best teacher because it’s always on the job.
You’re never fully dressed until you wear a smile.
It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.
The greatest mistake you can make is to be afraid of making one.

Happiness is the journey not the destination.
People with goals succeed because they know where they are going.
Does your employer consider you profit or overhead?
Look at life through the windshield not the rear view mirror.

To succeed do the best you can, where you are, with what you have.
Don’t let your voice mail be “voice jail” to your callers.
A man without humor is like a car without shock absorbers.
Wisdom is what’s left over after we smarten up.

Many people quit looking for work when they finally get a job.
About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age.
Don’t wait for your ship to come in swim out to it.
Every job is a self portrait of those who did it.

Talk less – Say more.
Love at first sight saves a lot of time.
Autograph your work with quality.
You can only control two things your attitude and your activity.

Remember, there’s nothing more constant than change.
If you tell the truth sooner or later somebody’s going to find out.
Experience is the one thing you can’t get on easy payments.
Remember change and change for the better are two different things. be on the level and you won’t go downhill.

All play and no work, does not work.
A goal is a dream with a deadline.
A liar needs a good memory.
Dream of worthy accomplishments and stay awake to achieve them.

The only place success comes before work is the dictionary.
You can be happy without needing others to agree with you.
You are not late until you get there.
Glory comes from daring to begin.

Have a back bone not a wish bone.
Give your troubles to God, He will be up all night anyway.
The greater part of progress is the desire to progress.
Happiness is the place between too little and too much.

Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Destiny is not a matter of chance it’s a matter of choice.
Your children need your presence more than your presents.
Each of us has two ends a sitting end and a thinking end, Success depends on which we use.

Many spend half the time wishing for things they could have if they didn’t spend half the time wishing.
For every person who climbs the ladder of success there are a dozen waiting for the elevator.
Happiness is a choice not a response.
God works with you, not for you.

If your dreams turn to dust vacuum.
Do it now, you become successful the very moment you start.
People may doubt what you say but they will believe what you do.
Success -Don’t do what you like, Like what you do.

**********
Always Keep Your Dreams Alive
(One of the classic inspirational poems)
by Unknown

Now is a time for you to celebrate … the accomplishment of
a dream you have worked so hard to realize. You have shown
so many people how special you are.

Now is the time to begin to pursue the next path, to reach out for the
next star, and to achieve the things that are so important to you.

Always keep your dreams alive.

And keep them coming true.

**********
Always Remember Your Achievements
with Pride

(One of the classic inspirational poems)
by Linda

In everyone’s life there are moments of pride and accomplishment that are remembered forever.

Through the years, you have set goals and met each challenge with enough courage and determination to overcome the many obstacles that you’ve encountered along the way.

Success is not measured by how well you fulfill the expectations of others, but by how honestly you live up to your own expectations.

Because you have been true to yourself in the pursuit of your dream, you have earned this moment and the right to be proud of your accomplishment.

**********
Anything is Possible
(One of the classic inspirational poems)
By Unknown

If there was ever a time to dare,
to make a difference,
to embark on something worth doing,
IT IS NOW.
Not for any grand cause, necessarily…
but for something that tugs at your heart,
something that’s your inspiration,
something that’s your dream.
You owe it to yourself to make your days here count.
HAVE FUN.
DIG DEEP.
STRETCH.
DREAM BIG.

Know, though, that things worth doing seldom come easy.
There will be good days.
And there will be bad days.
There will be times when you want to turn around,
pack it up, and call it quits.
Those times tell you
that you are pushing yourself, that you are not afraid
to learn by trying.

PERSIST.
Because with an idea,
determination, and the right tools,
you can do great things.
Let your instincts, your intellect,
and your heart, guide you.

TRUST.
Believe in the incredible power of the human mind.
Of doing something that makes a difference.
Of working hard.
Of laughing and hoping.
Of lazy afternoons.
Of lasting friends.
Of all the things that will cross your path this year.

The start of something new brings the hope of something great, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

**********
Anyway
(One of the classic inspirational poems)
By Unknown

People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
Love them anyway!

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway!

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway!

The good you do today, will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway!

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway!

The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest people with the smallest minds;
Think big anyway!

People favor underdogs, but follow only top dogs.
Fight for underdogs anyway!

What you spend years building up may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway!

People really need help, but will attack you if you help them.
Help them anyway!

Give the world the best you have and it may kick you in the teeth.
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway!

**********
Around the Corner
(One of the classic inspirational poems)
By Charles Hanson Towne

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friend’s face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,

He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
“Tomorrow” I say! “I will call on Jim
Just to show that I’m thinking of him.”

But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
“Here’s a telegram sir,”…. “Jim died today.”
And that’s what we get, and deserve in the end:
Around the corner, a vanished friend.

**********
As You Travel Through Life….
(One of the classic inspirational poems)
By Unknown

As you travel through life there are always those times
When decisions just have to be made,
When the choices are hard, and solutions seem scarce,
And the rain seems to soak your parade.

There are some situations where all you can do
Is simply let go and move on,
Gather your courage and choose a direction
That carries you toward a new dawn.

So pack up your troubles and take a step forward -
The process of change can be tough,
But think about all the excitement ahead

There might be adventures you never imagined
Just waiting around the next bend,
And wishes and dreams just about to come true
In ways you can’t yet comprehend!

Perhaps you’ll find friendships that spring from new things
As you challenge your status quo,
And learn there are so many options in life,

Perhaps you’ll go places you never expected
And see things that you’ve never seen,
Or travel to fabulous, faraway worlds
And wonderful spots in between!

Perhaps you’ll find warmth and affection and caring
And somebody special who’s there
To help you stay cantered and listen with interest
To stories and feelings you share.

Perhaps you’ll find comfort in knowing your friends
Are supportive of all that you do,
And believe that whatever decisions you make,
They’ll be the right choices for you.

So keep putting one foot in front of the other,
And taking your life day by day…
There’s a brighter tomorrow that’s just down the road -
Don’t look back! You’re not going that way!

**********
Awakening…
By John McLeod

Awakening, dawn’s chorus
Welcoming,
The day new, untouched
Waiting to be filled….

And will we paint a rainbow
With all its promise
Or dull the canvas
Sadly seen?

Each day brings its own colours
To be chosen, mixed,
Pigments of joy,
Happy moments,
Smiles and laughter….

And which will you choose?
For ‘Life’ is choice,
We are all painters
In our own way,
All needing to create
Something of worth,
Of lasting beauty,
Marking our journey….

Footprints in the sand….

The sky today is azure,
The sun warm and golden
A filigree of light and shadow-play
Through the gently swaying trees.

I clean my brushes,
Choose my palette
Of vibrant, living colours,
And begin to fill
Today’s blank canvas

**********
Be Thankful
(One of the classic inspirational poems)
By Unknown

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don’t know something,
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations,
because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge,
because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach
you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you’re tired and weary,
because it means you’ve made a difference.

It’s easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who
are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,
and they can become your blessings.

**********
Better Days are Coming
by Wish Belkin, copyright 2001
(One of the classic inspirational poems)

If you fear losing somebody you love
like rejection would be no surprise
even if they never said it out loud
you just knew by the look in their eyes
accept that anxiety is due to some action
we took while sleepwalking through life
we would be lying if we tried denying
we cause our own misery and strife.

There is a voice inside of our heads
that tells us of what is to come
deja vu turned upside down
is what it may seem like to some
whether it’s foresight or just premonition
it leaves you feeling quite strange
whisper or shout, it allows for no doubt
that your fortunes are due for a change.

The cyclical nature of the human condition
prevents us from being at ease
it bars the door to the peace that we seek
it’s a lock without any keys
hope and fear are two sides of a coin
a little like Abel and Cane
it’s not every day that just one will hold sway
in the end it adds up to the same.

Listen to this then, if you should find
your emotions won’t give you a breather
I’m telling you, dreams don’t often come true
but the nightmares rarely do either.

**********
The Breath of Spring…
By John McLeod

The breath of Spring
Lifting on wings that feel
The pulse of Life
Hope that will bring
A sense of ‘real’
After the shadowy, wintry days
Now gone….

The dawn’s first whispering
Of gentle birdsong ‘wakening
To splendid day,
The heart takes wing
And soars majestically
On freedom’s way….

What joy indeed!
The poet in me
Rejoices midst the gentle need
To happy be….
And counts his blessings!

**********
By Changing Your Thinking
By Unknown (One of the classic inspirational poems)

By Changing Your Thinking,
You change your beliefs;

When you change your beliefs,
You change your expectations;

When you change your expectations,
You change your attitude;

When you change your attitude,
You change your behavior;

When you change your behavior,
You change your performance;

When you change your performance;
You Change Your Life!

**********
Carry On!!
By Robert W. Service.

It’s easy to fight when everything’s right,
And you’re mad with the thrill and the glory;
It’s easy to cheer when victory’s near,
And wallow in fields that are gory.
It’s a different song when everything’s wrong.
When you’re feeling infernally mortal;
When it’s ten against one, and hope there is none,
Buck up, little soldier, and chortle:

Carry on! Carry on!
There isn’t much punch in your blow.
You’re glaring and staring and hitting out blind;
You’re muddy and bloody, but never mind.
Carry on! Carry on!
You haven’t the ghost of a show.
It’s looking like death, but while you’ve a breath,
Carry on, my son! Carry on!

And so in the strife of the battle of life
It’s easy to fight when you’re winning;
It’s easy to slave, and starve and be brave,
When the dawn of success is beginning.
But the man who can meet despair and defeat
With a cheer, there’s a man of God’s choosing;
The man who can fight to Heaven’s own height
Is the man who can fight when he’s losing.

Carry on! Carry on!
Things never were looming so black.
But show that you haven’t a cowardly streak,
And though you’re unlucky you never are weak.
Carry on! Carry on!
Brace up for another attack.
It’s looking like hell, but – you never can tell;
Carry on, old man! Carry on!

There are some who drift out in the deserts of doubt,
And some who in brutishness wallow;
There are others, I know, who in piety go
Because of a Heaven to follow.
But to labor with zest, and to give of your best,
For the sweetness and joy of the giving;
To help folks along with a hand and a song;
Why, there’s the real sunshine of living.

Carry on! Carry on!
Fight the good fight and true;
Believe in you mission, greet life with a cheer;
There’s big work to do, and that’s why you are here.
Carry on! Carry on!
Let the world be the better for you;
And at last when you die, let this be your cry:
Carry on, my soul! Carry on!

**********
The Challenge
By Jim Rohn

Let others lead small lives,
but not you.
Let others argue over small things,
but not you.
Let others cry over small hurts,
but not you.
Let others leave their future
in someone else’s hands,
but not you.

**********
Change Your World
By Brian Tracy

You cannot change the world, but you can present the
world with one improved person, yourself.

You can go to work on yourself to make yourself into
the kind of person you admire and respect.

You can become a role model and set a standard for others.

You can control and discipline yourself to resist acting or
speaking in a negative way toward anyone for any reason.

You can insist upon always doing things the loving way,
rather than the hurtful way.

By doing these things each day, you can continue on your
journey toward becoming an exceptional human being.

**********
The Comfort Zone
By Unknown

I used to have a comfort zone where I knew I wouldn’t fail.

The same four walls and busywork were really more like jail.
I longed so much to do the things I’d never done before,
But stayed inside my comfort zone and paced the same old floor.

I said it didn‘t matter that I wasn’t doing much.
I said I didn’t care for things like commission checks and such.
I claimed to be so busy with the things inside the zone,
But deep inside I longed for something special of my own.

I couldn’t let my life go by just watching others win.
I held my breath; I stepped outside and let the change begin.
I took a step and with new strength I’d never felt before,
I kissed my comfort zone goodbye and closed and locked the door.

If you’re in a comfort zone, afraid to venture out,
Remember that all winners were at one time filled with doubt.
A step or two and words of praise can make your dreams come true.
Reach for your future with a smile; Success is there for you!

**********
Desiderata
By Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, And remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly & clearly; and listen to others, even the dull & ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud & aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain & bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing future of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.

Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity & disenchantment it is perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue & loneliness. Beyond wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees & the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours & aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery & broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

**********
The Difference Between
Winning and Losing

by Catherine Pulsifer

Some of the significant differences between
winning and losing are:

Hanging on, persevering,
WINNING
Letting go, giving up easily,
LOSING

Accepting responsibility for your actions,
WINNING
Always having an excuse for your actions,
LOSING

Taking the initiative,
WINNING
Waiting to be told what to do,
LOSING

Knowing what you want and setting goals to achieve it,
WINNING
Wishing for things, but taking no action,
LOSING

Seeing the big picture, and setting your goals accordingly,
WINNING
Seeing only where you are today,
LOSING

**********
Do Less
By Unknown

DO LESS THINKING,
and pay more attention to your heart.

DO LESS ACQUIRING,
and pay more attention to what you already have.

DO LESS COMPLAINING,
and pay more attention to giving.

DO LESS CONTROLLING,
and pay more attention to letting go.

DO LESS CRITICIZING,
and pay more attention to complementing.

DO LESS ARGUING,
and pay more attention to forgiveness.

DO LESS RUNNING AROUND,
and pay more attention to stillness.

DO LESS TALKING,
and pay more attention to silence.

**********
Dreamer
by Michelle Keesling

Climbing higher mountains
I will not descend downward
Until after I have conquered that fear
Clasping stars within my hands
They shall not stray from my touch
I am a dreamer
My wings lie in my mind
Where they allow me to divide the clouds
As I ascend through their cotton-like tufts
One cannot pierce my heart with any arrow
It is filled with pure bliss and compassion
No one will ever be able to seize that from me
Although at times my eyes may look wounded
My strength has never fled.

**********
Dream My Child
by Cheryl Lee Kellems

Dream of being someone great
Of climbing a mountain so high.
Dream of being a student so bright
Or challenging the clouds and fly.

Be yourself, for yourself
Never hurting another soul.
Be dedicated and determined
While achieving your goal.

With honor and respect
You must live your life.
Being careful as you sow
Your reward in an afterlife.

Remember that which you put out
To others and to self,
Will surely come around again
And sit upon your shelf.

**********
Dreams
By Unknown

It is not enough to have a dream unless I am
willing to pursue it.
It is not enough to know what is right unless I am
strong enough to do it.
It is not enough to join the crowd, to be acknowledged and accepted, I must be true to my ideals, even if am
left out and rejected.
It is not enough to learn the truth unless I also learn to live it.
It is not enough to reach for love unless I care enough to give it.

**********
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Take Time:
Take time to think-
It is the source of all power.
Take time to read-
It is the fountain of wisdom.

Take time to play-
It is the source of perpetual youth.
Take time to be quiet-
It is the opportunity to seek God.

Take time to be aware-
It is the opportunity to help others.
Take time to love and be loved-
It is God’s greatest gift.

Take time to laugh-
It is the music of the soul.
Take time to be friendly-
It is the road to happiness.

Take time to dream-
It is what the future is made of.
Take time to pray-
It is the greatest power on earth.

Take time to give-
It is too short a day to be selfish.
Take time to work-
It is the price of success.

There is a time for everything. . .

**********
Failure
By Tim Connor

Failure

It’s only a word.

But it carries with it so much pain
and so little concern
so much frustration
and so little respect,

so much stress and so little
understanding
that people spend their lives
running through their days

in the hope of avoiding the long arm
of this little word.

To test our vision, you must risk
failure.

To temper your ego, you must attempt
the impossible.

To tell your story, you must
take a chance.

To see beyond the horizon, you must
spread your wings.

To be all you can be, you must
stretch, flex, try, and go beyond
your proven limits.

To bridge the silence, you must risk
rejection.

To advance into the unknown, you must
risk the peril of all your
previous beliefs and emotions
that feel so secure.

Failure is not negative. It is a teacher.
It molds, refines, and polishes you
so that one day your light will
shine for all to see.

It isn’t the failure you experience
that will determine your destiny,
but your next step and then the next
that will tell
the story of your life.

**********
Fear Not
By Unknown

Fear not that you might make a mistake in believing
your dream.
Fear rather that if you don’t go for it
You might stand before God and he’ll tell you
you could have succeeded had you had a little more faith.

Fear not that you might fail.
Fear rather that you will never succeed
if you never try and if you are unwilling to take risks.

Fear not that you might get hurt.
Fear rather that you will never grow
if you wait for painless success.

The old man said to the young man,
“Why not go out, on a limb,
After all isn’t that where the fruit is.”

**********
Follow Your Dreams
by Unknown

You must follow your dreams
You must follow wherever it leads.

Don’t be distracted by less worthy leads.
Shelter it,
Nourish it,
Help it grow.
Hold your dream deep, down deep where dreams grow.

Follow your dreams,
Pursue it with haste.
Life is too precious, too precious to waste.

Be faithful,
Be loyal in all the day through
the dream that you follow will ultimately come true.

**********
Health of the Mind
by Jerry Brundies

The body can be a source of wealth
Train it right for your health.
When the body is ready
Your mind will steady.

A peace will surround your being
and your face will give off a glow
as your training has brought the healing
your mind and body know.

**********
Habit
By Unknown

I am your constant companion,
I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden.
I will push you onward or drag you down to failure.
I am completely at your command.
Half the things you do might just as well turn over to me
and I will be able to do them quickly and correctly.

I am easily managed -
you must merely be firm with me.
Show me exactly how you want something done
and after a few lessons, I will do it automatically.
I am the servant of all great people;
and alas, of all failures as well.
Those who are great,
I have made great.
Those who are failures,
I have made failures.

I am not a machine,
though I work with all the precision of a machine
plus the intelligence of a human.
You may run me for a profit or run me for ruin -
it makes no difference to me.

Take me,
train me,
be firm with me,
And I will place the world at your feet.
Be easy with me,
and I will destroy you.

WHO AM I?

I AM HABIT.

**********
I CAN?
By Unknown

Whatever your mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve. Dream great dreams and make them come true. Do it now!

You are unique. In all the history of the world there was never anyone else exactly like you, and in all the infinity to come there will never be another you. Never affirm self-limitations. What you believe yourself to be, you are.

To accomplish great things, you must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost – put foundations under them. Yes you can. Believing is magic, you can always better your best. You don’t know what you can do until you try.

Nothing will come of nothing. If you don’t go out on a limb, you’re never going to get the fruit. There is no failure except in no longer trying. Hazy goals produce hazy results. Clearly define your goals. Write them down, make a plan for achieving them, set a deadline, visualize the results and go after them. Just don’t look back unless you want to go that way.

Defeat may test you; it need not stop you. If at first you don’t succeed, try another way. For every obstacle there is a solution. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. The greatest mistake is giving up. Wishing will not bring success, but planning, persistence and burning desire will.

There is a gold mine within you from which you can extract all the necessary ingredients. Success is an attitude. Get yours right. It is astonishing how short a time it takes for very wonderful things to happen.

I CAN!

**********
I Believe You Can Accomplish Anything You Choose
By Unknown

If you could see through my eyes,
I wonder what you’d be feeling right now,
Because I can see you standing
As you really are -

Powerful, sensitive, determined, and gracious.
I can see you achieving everything you choose to achieve.
I can see you being exactly who and what you want to be.
Look through my eyes for an instant,

And you’ll see yourself
Conquering all limitations.
Look through my eyes,
And see who you really are

And what you are capable of.
You can accomplish anything –
I know you can.

**********
If
By Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you but make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, or being hated, don’t give way to hating, and yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream-and not make dreams your master, if you can think-and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, and stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings and risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, and lose, and start again at your beginnings and never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew to serve your turn long after they are gone, and so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, or walk with kings-nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
with sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And-which is more-you’ll be a Man, my son!

**********
If at the End
By Sid Maxwell

If at the end of the day you know you’ve done your best,
Regardless of the outcomes you can peacefully rest.
For you can’t control the results of anything you do,
But if you know you’ve done your best, to
yourself you’ve been true.

**********
In Comparison
By Sid Maxwell

When I graded myself from one to ten
Compared to others I know,
In every category someone was better.
My grades were always too low.

So I quit doing that and changed my ways,
I am happier now than then.
If I’m better today than I was before
I simply give myself a ten.

Life is very simple, very simple indeed.
When you know what you want and live by this creed.
That you treat others as you want them to treat you.
Life is very simple, if you live by this creed in all that you do.

**********
Invictus
by William Earnest Henley

Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be, For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have winced but not cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance, My head is bloodied but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears, Looms but the horror of the shade. And yet the menace of the years, Finds, and shall find me, unafraid

It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.

**********
An Irish Friendship Wish
By Unknown

May there always be work for your hands to do;
May your purse always hold a coin or two;
May the sun always shine on your window pane;
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;
May the hand of a friend always be near you;
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

**********
It’s the Journey that’s Important…
By John McLeod

Life, sometimes so wearying
Is worth its weight in gold
The experience of traveling
Lends a wisdom that is old
Beyond our ‘living memory’
A softly spoken prayer:
“It’s the journey that’s important,
Not the getting there!”

Ins and outs and ups and downs
Life’s road meanders aimlessly?
Or so it seems, but somehow
Leads us where we need to be,
And being simply human
We oft question and compare….
“Is the journey so important
Or the getting there?”

And thus it’s always been
That question pondered down the ages
By simple men with simple ways
To wise and ancient sages….
How sweet then, quietly knowing
Reaching destination fair:
“It’s the journey that’s important,
Not the getting there!”

**********
It Will Come
by Nathan Watson

When life’s largest pressures leave you struck dumb,
Just search for an answer; the solution will come.

When a tragedy occurs leaving you feeling numb,
Just wait for your health; the strength will come.

When everyone relies on you and there is no way you can see,
Trust your mind to think with time; patience is the key.

When you have made it where others always flee,
Just wait to gather courage; soon you’ll be where you want to be.

When it is nearing the end and you’re in need,
Muster up your courage; endurance will lead.
IT WILL COME

**********
Just One
By Unknown

One song can spark a moment,
One flower can wake the dream.
One tree can start a forest,
One bird can herald spring.
One smile begins a friendship,
One handclasp lifts a soul.
One star can guide a ship at sea,
One word can frame the goal
One vote can change a nation,
One sunbeam lights a room
One candle wipes out darkness,
One laugh will conquer gloom.
One step must start each journey.
One word must start each prayer.
One hope will raise our spirits,
One touch can show you care.
One voice can speak with wisdom,
One heart can know what’s true,

One life can make a difference,
You see, it’s up to you!

**********
Life is….
by Mother Theresa

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.

**********
Life is for Living
by Unknown

Life is a gift we’re given each and every day.
Dream about tomorrow, but live for today.
To live a little, you’ve got to love a whole lot.
Love turns the ordinary into the extraordinary.

Life’s a journey
always worth taking.
Take time to smell the roses… and tulips…
and daffodils… and lilacs… and sunflowers…

Count blessings like children count stars.
The secret of a happy life isn’t buried in a
treasure chest… it lies within your heart.
It’s the little moments that make life big.

Don’t wait. Make memories today.
Celebrate your life!

**********
Lose/Win
By Natasha Josefowitz

I have known the pain of
failure
frustration
disappointment
defeat

Because I have taken a chance on
winning
succeeding
achieving

It takes a lot of the the first
to get some of the second.

**********
The Man In the Glass
By Unknown

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.

For it isn’t your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass.
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.

You may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum
And think you’re a wonderful guy.
But the man in the glass says you’re only a bum
If you can’t look him straight in the eye.

He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the rest,
For he’s with you clear to the end.
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.

**********
My A to Z of Life
by M. K. Soni

Life is like a multifaceted prism, which gives different colored images, when viewed from different angles. Look how it
appears to different people:

a. Life is a struggle, face it.

b. Life is a brief intermission, between birth
and death, enjoy it.

c. Life is a lesson, learn it.

d. Life is not a joke, take it seriously.

e. Life is work, work is life.

f. Life is a dream, to be realized.

g. Life is to be lived, enjoy it.

h. Life, without a wife, is no life.

i. Life is not a bed of roses.

j. Life is an ocean, fathom it.

k. Life is an opportunity, don’t miss it.

l. Life without love is desolate.

m. Life is a goldmine, exploit it.

n. Life is what you make it.

o. Life lies in optimism. Be a positive thinker.

p. Life is like a game of snakes and ladders;
one faces many pitfalls before one reaches the top.

q. Life will be a pleasure, if you love your work.

r. Life without goals, is groping in darkness.

s. Life without trust is a life in turmoil.

t. Life is a journey; make it as pleasant as possible.

u. Life doesn’t mean bread alone.

v. Life is meaningful, only if there is a mission.

w. Life is enriched by good friendship.

x. Life doesn’t mean years alone:
“IT IS THE LIFE IN THOSE YEARS”

y. Life is useful, if you contribute something,
that will outlive it.

z. Life lies in diversity, not in monotony.

**********
My Christmas Wish to You
By Catherine Pulsifer

If I could wish a wish for you,it would be for peace and
happiness not only now, but for the whole year through!

I wish that there always be food on your table. And that you always remember those less fortunate. May you always take time to share, and thank those who share with you.

I wish for time, so you may reflect on the blessings that you have, and that you express your love to those who are dear to you.

May you never feel lonely, because there are those who care.

That you realize:
you are special,
you are unique,
you make a difference,
not only at Christmas, but all year!

I wish for your thoughts to be positive ones,
that you never quit,
that you never give up,
and that you continue to learn.

I wish for the love, peace, and joy of
Christmas be yours always.

**********
My Comfort Zone
By Unknown

I used to have a comfort zone where I knew I wouldn’t fail.
The same four walls and busywork were really more like jail.
I longed so much to do the things I’d never done before,
But stayed inside my comfort zone and paced the same old floor.

I said it didn’t matter that I wasn’t doing much.
I said I didn’t care for things like commission checks and such.
I claimed to be so busy with the things inside the zone,
But deep inside I longed for something special of my own.

I couldn’t let my life go by just watching others win.
I held my breath; I stepped outside and let the change begin.
I took a step and with new strength I’d never felt before,
I kissed my comfort zone goodbye and closed and locked the door.

If you’re in a comfort zone, afraid to venture out,
Remember that all winners were at one time filled with doubt.
A step or two and words of praise can make your dreams come true.
Reach for your future with a smile; success is there for you!

**********
Network
By Unknown

Decide to network
Use every letter you write
Every conversation you have
Every meeting you attend
To express your fundamental beliefs and dreams
Affirm to others the vision of the world you want
Network through thought
Network through action
Network through love
Network through the spirit
You are the center of a network
You are the center of the world
You are a free, immensely powerful source of
life and goodness
Affirm it
Spread it
Radiate it
Decide to network
Think day and night about it
And you will see a miracle happen:
the greatness of your own life
In a world of big powers, media, and monopolies
But of four and a half billion individuals
Networking is the new freedom
the new democracy
a new form of happiness.

**********
Never Let Go of Hope
by Jancarl Campi

One day you will see that it all has finally come together.

What you have always wished for has finally come to be.

You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you
will ask yourself, “How did I get through all of that?”

Just never let go of hope. Just never quit dreaming.
And never let love depart from your life.

**********
A New Day
by Unknown

This is the beginning of a new day. I have been given
this day to use as I will.

I can waste it, or use it. It can make it a day long to be remembered for its joy, its beauty and its achievements, or it can be filled with pettiness. What I do today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it.

When tomorrow comes this day will be gone forever, but I
shall hold something which I have traded for it.

It may be no more than a memory, but if it is a worthy
one I shall not regret the price.

I want it to be gain not loss, good not evil,
success not failure.

**********
Peace Begins with Me
By Richard D. Marco III

Peace begins with me
Starting over and breaking free.

Peace begins with me
Opening my eyes and beginning to see.

Peace begins with me
Curious about what I am going to be.

Peace begins with me
Knowing I no longer have to flee.

Peace begins with me
Having self dignity.

Peace begins with me
Taking on more responsibility.

Peace begins with me
Because peace is being happy.

And this is why peace begins with me!

**********
Peace Prayer
by St. Francis of Assisi

Lord,
Make me an instrument of Your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light, and
Where there is sadness, joy.

O, Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek

To be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

**********
Prayer
By An Unknown Confederate Soldier

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve, I was
made weak, that I might humbly obey.

I asked for health, that I might do greater things, I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.

I asked for riches, that I might be happy, I was given poverty,
that I might be wise.

I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men, I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.

I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life, I was given life,
that I might enjoy all things.

I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I had hoped for.

Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am among all men, most richly blessed.

**********
Psalm 23

The Lord is my Shepherd
I shall not want
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures
He leadeth me beside the still waters
He restoreth my soul
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness
For His name sake
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil
For Thou art with me
Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies
Thou annointest my head with oil
My cup runneth over
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever

**********
Remembering You
By Catherine Pulsifer

If something were to happen to you tomorrow, what
would people remember about you?

Would they remember the hours you worked?
Would they remember the material things you own?
Would they remember how much money you had in the bank?
Would they remember the number of vacations you took?

Would they remember the love you showed?
Would they remember your caring and your sharing?
Would they remember the help you gave them?
Would they remember your smile, your laugh?

What will they remember, your actions today will
determine what they will remember.

**********
Risk
By Fran Watson

Do not be afraid to shine.
This world needs what you have to give.
Open up the areas of your being;
Expose them to yourself – to others.
You are valuable.
You are unique.
You have much to give.
Do not be afraid to give it.

As we risk ourselves, we grow.
Each new experience is a risk.
We can try, and maybe fail,
And, as a result, grow-
Or hold back and stagnate.

You have the potential
To be anything you want.
You are free to choose.
You are limited only by your fears.
Let your dreams take over.
Fly with the eagles.
Soar into life.
The world is waiting for you.

**********
The Road to Success is Always Under Construction
by Unknown

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
Life is not no much a matter of position as of disposition.
The best vitamin for making friends, B-1.
If you don’t care where you’re going any road will get you there.
A pint of example is worth a gallon of advice.
He who throws mud loses ground.
Nobody raises his own reputation by lowering others.
Nothing ruins the truth like stretching it.
A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
Ideas won’t work unless you do.
The future is purchased by the present.
One thing you can’t recycle is wasted time.
Lost time is never found again.
A hard thing about business is minding your own.
Triumph is just “umph” added to try.
Caution is not cowardly, Carelessness is not courage.
He who forgives ends the quarrel.
Children need more models than critics.
Frogs have it easy, They can eat what bugs them.
The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime.
If the going gets easy you may be going downhill.
Dieters – People that are thick and tired of it.
Jumping to conclusions can be bad exercise.
The best labor saving device is doing it tomorrow.
A turtle makes progress when it sticks its neck out.
Failure is the path of least persistence.
Hard work is the yeast that raises the dough.
Patience is counting down without blasting off.
Have a backbone not a wishbone.
Some folks won’t look up until they are flat on their backs.
If you want your dreams to come true, don’t oversleep.
Friend – One who knows all about you and likes you just the same.
Money talks and often just says, “Good-bye”.
Birds have bills too and they keep on singing.
Forbidden fruit is responsible for many a bad jam.
God’s retirement plan is out of this world.
A good example is the best sermon.
The Ten Commandments are not multiple choice.
Well done! is better than, Well said!
Minds are like parachutes – they function only when open.
Live as you wish your kids would.
Swallowing your pride seldom leads to indigestion.
If you can laugh at it then you can live with it.
People don’t fail, they give up.
When looking for faults use a mirror, not a telescope.
Smile, it takes only 13 muscles; A frown takes 64.
Kindness, a language deaf people can hear and blind can see.
Heaviest thing to carry – a grudge. A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor.
A small leak can sink a great ship.
You can’t direct the wind, but you can adjust your sails.
We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves.
Tact is the ability to see others as they wish to be seen.
A bad conscience has a very good memory.
Hug your kids at home – Belt them in the car. One thing you can give and still keep – is your word.
A friend walks in when everyone else walks out.
If you must cry over spilled milk then please try to condense it.
Behavior is the mirror in which everyone shows their image.
Make friends before you need them.
It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.
The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention.
Success is … more attitude than aptitude.
Our favorite attitude should be gratitude.
The greatest of all faults is to imagine you have none.
Too many of us speak twice before we think.
Some people develop eye strain looking for trouble.
Everyone has 20/20 hindsight.
The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
It is much easier to be critical than to be correct.
Feed your faith and doubt will starve to death.
It is no crime not to be perfect.
If others have sinned you need not mention it.
No man knows less than the man who knows it all.
Patience carries a lot of wait.
One who lacks courage to start has already finished.
A quitter never wins, A winner never quits.
Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
Break a bad habit – Drop it.
Don’t learn safety rules simply by accident.
Failing to prepare We prepare to fail.
Past failures are guideposts for future success.
There is no right way to do a wrong thing.
There can be no rainbow without a cloud and a storm.
If your dreams turn to dust…vacuum.
Money is a good servant but is a cruel master.
Seek joy in what you give not in what you get.
Procrastination is the thief of time.
Success comes in cans Failure comes in can’ts.
Anger is one letter short of danger Greatest remedy for anger is delay.
2/3 of promotion is motion.
Having a sharp tongue can cut your own throat.
Of all the things you wear, your expression
is the most important.

**********
Sculptor’s Attitude
by Unknown

I woke up early today, excited over all I get to do before the clock strikes midnight. I have responsibilities to fulfill today. I am important. My job is to choose what kind of day I
am going to have.

Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free.

Today I can feel sad that I don’t have more money or I can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste.

Today I can grumble about my health or I can rejoice
that I am alive.

Today I can lament over all that my parents didn’t give me when I was growing up or I can feel grateful that they
allowed me to be born.

Today I can cry because roses have thorns or I can
celebrate that thorns have roses.

Today I can mourn my lack of friend or I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.

Today I can whine because I have to go to work or I can
shout for joy because I have a job to do.

Today I can complain because I have to go to school or eagerly open my mind and fill it with rich new tidbits of knowledge.

Today I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework or I can feel honored because the Lord has provide shelter for my mind, body and soul.

Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped. And here I am, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping.

What today will be like is up to me. I get to choose what kind of day I will have!

Have a GREAT DAY……unless you have other plans.

**********
Self-Confidence
By Unknown

If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think that you dare not, you don’t;
If you’d like to win and you think you can’t
It’s almost certain that you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’ve lost;
For out in the world you’ll find
Success begins with a fellows will -
It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think that you are out-classed, you are;
You’ve got to think high to rise;
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But sooner or later, the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.

**********
Slim Margin of Success
by Unknown

The difference between winning and losing is
sometimes very slight.

There were eight finalists in the men’s 100-meter dash at the 1976 Olympics. The Gold Medal winner beat the eighth man by less than half a second

There are five million people engaged in selling in America. Can you imagine what our Gross National Product would be if each of them had made just one more sale last year?

In sports, in business, in politics, in romance, winning isn’t everything. But it sure beats losing.

Go get ‘em, Tiger!

**********
Somebody
by Unknown

Somebody did a golden deed;
Somebody proved a friend in need;
Somebody sang a beautiful song;
Somebody smiled the whole day long;
Somebody thought, “Tis sweet to live”;
Somebody said, “I’m glad to give”;
Somebody fought a valiant fight;
Somebody lived to shield the right;
Was the “somebody” you?

**********
Somebody
By Jeff Yalden

Somebody is very proud of you.
Somebody is thinking of you.
Somebody is caring about you.
Somebody misses you.
Somebody wants to talk to you.
Somebody wants to be with you.
Somebody hopes you aren’t in trouble.
Somebody is thankful for the support you have provided.
Somebody wants to hold your hand.
Somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
Somebody wants you to be happy.
Somebody wants you to find him/her.
Somebody is celebrating your successes.
Somebody wants to give you a gift.
Somebody thinks that you ARE a gift.
Somebody hopes you’re not too cold, or too hot.
Somebody wants to hug you.
Somebody loves you.
Somebody admires your strength.
Somebody is thinking of you and smiling.
Somebody wants to be your shoulder to cry on.
Somebody wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun.
Somebody thinks the world of you.
Somebody wants to protect you.
Somebody would do anything for you.
Somebody wants to be forgiven.
Somebody is grateful for your forgiveness.
Somebody wants to laugh with you.
Somebody remembers you and wishes that you were there.
Somebody is praising God for you.
Somebody needs to know that your love is unconditional.
Somebody values your advice.
Somebody wants to tell you how much they care.
Somebody wants to share their dreams with you.
Somebody wants to hold you in their arms.
Somebody wants YOU to hold them in your arms.
Somebody treasures your spirit.
Somebody wishes they could STOP time because of you.
Somebody praises God for your friendship and love.
Somebody can’t wait to see you.
Somebody loves you for who you are.
Somebody loves the way you make them feel.
Somebody wants to be with you.
Somebody wants you to know they are there for you.
Somebody’s glad that you’re his/her friend.
Somebody wants to be your friend.
Somebody stayed up all night thinking about you.
Somebody is alive because of you.
Somebody is wishing that you noticed him/her.
Somebody wants to get to know you better.
Somebody wants to be near you.
Somebody misses your advice and guidance.
Somebody has faith in you.
Somebody trusts you.
Somebody needs you to send them this letter.
Somebody needs your support.
Somebody needs you to have faith in them.
Somebody will cry when they read this.
Somebody needs you to let them be your friend.
Somebody hears a song that reminds them of you.
YOU ARE SPECIAL!

**********
Storms
By Margie DeMerell

There will be storms, child
There will be storms
And with each tempest
You will seem to stand alone
Against cruel winds
But with time, the rage and fury
Shall subside And when the sky clears
You will find yourself
Clinging to someone
You would have never known
But for storms.

**********
Success
by Ralph Waldo Emerson

To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the
affection of children;
To earn the approbation of honest critics and endure
the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To give of one’s self;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;
To have played and laughed with enthusiasm and
sung with exultation;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived —
This is to have succeeded.

**********
Today is the Very First Day of the Rest of My Life
By Unknown

This is the Beginning of a New Day.
I Can Waste It … or Use It For Good.
But What I Do Today is Important,
Because I am Exchanging a Day of My Life For It.
When Tomorrow Comes, This Day Will Be Gone Forever,
Leaving in It’s Place Something That I Have Traded For It.
I Want It to Be Gain and Not Loss, Good and Not Evil,
Success and Not Failure, in Order That I Not Regret the Price I Have Paid For It.
I Will Give 100% of Myself Just For Today, For You Never Fail
Until You Stop Trying.
I Will Be the Kind of Person I have Always Wanted To Be …
I Have Been Given This Day to Use as I Will.

**********
To Believe…
By Unknown

To believe is to know that every day is a new beginning. It is to trust that miracles happen, and dreams really do come true.

To believe is to see angels dancing among the clouds, To know the wonder of a stardust sky and the wisdom of the man in the moon.

To believe is to know the value of a nurturing heart, The innocence of a child’s eyes and the beauty of an aging hand, for it is through their teachings we learn to love.

To believe is to find the strength and courage that lies within us. When it is time to pick up the pieces and begin again.

To believe is to know we are not alone, That life is a gift and this is our time to cherish it. To believe is to know that wonderful surprises are just waiting to happen, And all our hopes and dreams are within reach.

If only we believe.

**********
Use Your Imagination to Find Success
By Unknown

Visualize what you want.
See it, Feel it, Believe in it.

Your mind is a mental workshop.
You can build anything in it.
Make your mental blueprint,
And begin to build.

The beginning is in your imagination;
First think, then organize your thoughts into plans
Then transform your thoughts into reality by taking
some positive action.

Use your imagination to perceive your reality,
Even when it is not fully materialized.

You must first see it clearly in your mind
Before you can do it.

First visualize and then actualize your way
To success.

You really can live your dreams.
All you need to do is try.

**********
We Learned It All In Kindergarten
By Robert Fulghum

Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate-school mountain, but there in the sandbox.

These are the things I learned. Save everything. Play fair. Don’t hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don’t take things that aren’t yours. Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Live a balanced life. Learn some and think some, and draw and sing and dance and play and work every day some.

Take a nap in the afternoon. When you go out into the world, watch for traffic, hold hands and stick together. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up, and nobody really knows why, but we are all like that.

Goldfish and hamsters and white mice — and even the little seed in the plastic cup — they all die. So do we.

And then remember the book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: LOOK. Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The golden rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and sane living.

Think of what a better world it would be if we all had cookies and milk about three o’clock every afternoon and then laid down with our blankets for a nap. Or if we had a basic policy in our nation and other nations always to put things back where we found them and cleaned up our own messes.

And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

**********
What is Real Success?
By Tim Conner

Everyone wants success, and yet they often don’t
know when they have it.

For most, it is the maddening chase toward a better way of life or more of something. More fame, power, recognition, money, or material stuff.

For some, it is the understanding of a loving partner, the love of their child, or the people that they can count on when life throws them a curve.

I am coming to believe that success is not more material wealth, but peace, happiness, contentment, and love.

Most of all love.

Real success is not to be sought after in the outer world, but discovered in your inner world. I am not condemning the stuff of life. We all want the things that life offers.

But we don’t need as much as we think we do.

Sooner or later you will discover that real success is friends, strangers, and anyone who crosses our path.

It is kindness shared, support given and received,
listening, giving, and caring.

These will endure while your car rusts, your toys break, and you tire of the temporary gratifications that bring you what you think is real.

What matters is people.

What lasts is love. What counts are true friends, and if you treasure these you can count yourself a success.

**********
What I Want
By Unknown

I AM POWERFUL!
Whatever I set my mind on having, I will have.
Whatever I decide to be, I will be.
The evidence is all around me.
The power of my Will has brought me precisely to where
I am right now.
I have made the choices. I have held the thoughts.
I have taken the actions to create my current reality.
And I have the power to change it into whatever I want it to be.
With the choices I make, I am constantly fulfilling the vision I have for my life.
If that does not seem to be the case –
then I am deceiving myself about what I really want.
Because what I really, truly want, I will get!
What I truly wanted in the past, I already have.
If I want to build a billion-dollar business, I will take the actions necessary to do it.
If I want to sit comfortably watching TV night after night –
I will take the actions necessary for that.
Don’t be disappointed in my results –
they’re just the outward manifestation of my priorities.
I will be sure of what I truly want,
because I am sure to get it!

**********
Whether You Think You Can, Or Think You Can’t,
You’re Probably Right

By Unknown

If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think that you dare not, you don’t;
If you’d like to win, but you think you can’t,
It’s almost certain you wont.

If you think you’ll lose, you’ve lost;
For out in the world you’ll find
Success begins with a fellow’s will.
It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you are outclassed, you are;
You’ve got to think high to rise;
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
you can ever win a prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go
to the stronger or faster man;
but sooner or later the man who wins
is the man who thinks he can

**********
Winners Are People Like You
By Unknown

Winners take chances Like everyone else, they fear failing,
but they refuse to let fear control them.

Winners don’t give up. When life gets rough, they hang in
until the going gets better.

Winners are flexible. They realize there is more than one
way and are willing to try others.

Winners know they are not perfect. They respect their
weaknesses while making the most of their strengths.

Winners fall but they don’t stay down. They stubbornly refuse
to let a fall keep them from climbing.

Winners don’t blame fate for their failures, nor luck for their successes.

Winners accept responsibility for their lives.

Winners are positive thinkers who see good in all things.
From the ordinary, they make the extraordinary.

Winners believe in the path they have chosen even when it
is hard, even when others can’t see where they are going.

Winners are patient. They know a goal is only worthy
as the effort that is required to achieve it.

Winners are people that believe in themselves.
They make this world a better place to be.

**********
You Can Do It
by Jerry Aragon, Ph. D.

Peer pressure is not just for teenagers!
The ugly face of peer pressure will follow us all to the grave,
by those who would have us go in a different
direction with our lives!
So, decide what you want in life,
and don’t let anyone distract you from reaching
your goals and your dreams!
You Can Do It!

**********
You Can Be Whatever You Want to Be
by Donna Levine

There is inside you
all of the potential to be whatever
you want to be
all of the energy to do whatever
you want to do.

Imagine yourself as you would like to be,
doing what you want to do,
and each day, take one step
towards your dream.

And though at times it may seem too
difficult to continue,
hold on to your dream.

One morning you will awake to find
that you are the person
you dreamed of
doing what you wanted to do
simply because you had the courage
to believe in your potential
and to hold on to your dream.

**********
You Did It!
By Rita J. Henins

You deserve to be credited for defying the opinions and expectations of many of the people around you. When they said that it couldn’t be done, you would not hear. You set your goals on something that only you seemed to see, and you refused to back down until your dream was realized.

The course you chose was demanding and difficult. I saw you in the middle of situations that required both courage and sacrifice in order to achieve the greater end. The scars you’ve earned are really the marks of a true hero, and I want to let you know how proud I am to know you.

Seeing you set your goal and gather the courage it took to face the disbelief of others, to struggle and forge your way to a new horizon, has been an inspiration to me. Your growth has helped me to face my own challenges.

Thank you for showing those around you how not to ever let go.

**********
by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

One ship drives east, and another west
With the self-same winds that blow: ‘Tis the set of
the sails And not the gales,
Which decides the way we go.

Like the winds of the sea are the ways of fate,
As they voyage along through life;
‘Tis the will of the soul
That decides its goal,
And not the calm or the strife.

**********
By Ella Wheeler Wilcox

There is no chance, no destiny, no fate,
That can circumvent or hinder or control
The firm resolve of a determined soul.

**********
By Anushree Karnani

The little plans I tried to carry
Have failed O’ Dear God.
But, I will not sorrow I will pause a little while
And try again tomorrow.

**********
By Bob Smith

Aim for your star,
no matter how far,
you must reach high above
and touch your life with love,
you must never look back,
but charge on! Attack!

See your goal your star of desire,
see it red hot, feel it burning,
you must be obsessed with it
to make it your true yearning,
be ready my friends for when you truly believe it,
you will certainly achieve it
and by all of God’s universal laws
you will always receive it!

**********
By J.R.R. Tolkien

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be the blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

Source: http://www.villagehero.com/inspirational-poems.htm