Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road (Filipino Personalities’ View)

Sen. Trillanes: To check in a five-star hotel.

Erap: Para makaahon patungo doon sa lansangan ng kapayapaan (road to peace) kasi isang mahirap na mamamayan ang manok. Kawawa naman, baka magkasakit ng trangkasong ibon (bird flu).

Willie Revillame: Para pumila at manalo ng malaking papremyo sa Pera o Bayong.

Joey de Leon: Para sumali sa Laban o Bawi.

Edu Manzano: Toorooroorooroot, Tiiriiriiriiriit, Toorooroorooroot, too-roo-root-too-root… and then dance the Chicken Song.

Toni Gonzaga: To try its luck in Pinoy Big Manok Edition.

Kuya Kim Atienza: Alam n’yo ba na ang chicken ay may dalawang paa? Alam n’yo ba na kahit umu-ulan ng malakas ay hindi n’ya kayang lumipad ng mataas? Kaya tumawid na lamang ang chicken dahil alam niya ang buhay ng ibon ay weather-weather lang.

Lolit Solis: Para bumati at mangolekta ng datung sa daan!

Kuya Germs: Ang chicken ay isa rin sa mga kabataan na tumatahak ng maling landas at lulong sa bawal na gamot. Pero OK lang, katropa ko siya sa Walang Tulugan.

Bro. Eli Soriano: Tumawid ang chicken dahil nakasulat yun: “Dako paroon, ang lahat ng manok ay patungo sa paraiso ng Dating Daan.”

Sen. Juan Flavier: Let’s DOH it, chicken!

FVR: I asked the chicken to buy me tobacco over there.

Imelda Marcos: I told my beloved husband to asphalt the road during our time.

Manoling Morato: To buy Lotto tickets.

Miriam Defensor-Santiago: Why are we even having a talk about a stupid chicken? That chicken is dull, anserine, foolish, cretin, ignoramus, imbecile, simpleton, or otherwise known as stupid. Because it can’t engage in a colloquy with more intelligent chickens. I eat chicken feet for breakfast. HAHAHA! I actually love the chicken. I lied!

Kris Aquino: That chicken is getting on my nerves na. Kaka-inis! It’s blocking my SUV on the way to ABS. Na-angry tuloy si Josh. What’s the deal ba with you, chicken?

Juan Ponce-Enrile: To get refund from Meralco’s system loss.

Romulo Neri: Based on the current analytical tangent of my personal affinity, I don’t like a crowing chicken anymore. Bad for the economy.

Jun Lozada: To make friends with imported kambings.

John Osmeña: Eggs will roll.

Manny Pacquiao: The chicken did its best in boxing, este, crossing to serve as an inspiration to Filipino people. Thank you very much, chicken. Sa susunod na laban mo, pusta ako sayo.

Mike Enriquez: Para saksihan ang banggaan sa kabilang daan. Ang chicken ay walang kinikilingan, chismosong totoo lamang.

Piolo Pascual: Unless Kenny Rogers Roasters, I typically don’t like chicks.

Sam Milby: Gotta love strong eggs!

Bayani Fernando: The chicken is a jay-walker.

Mayor Tomas Osmeña: CITOM should do its job against crossing chickens in Lahug.

Gov. Gwen Garcia: To join the Chicken Festival.

Janina San Miguel: Well, I’m only 17 years old so I pity the chicken for crossing the road alone. Its pamily… its family… Oh my god… should be the most important persons in its life b’coz there was the wa- they’re, they was the one who’s… very… Hahahaha… who told the chicken that it is so confident. Mabuhay!

Leo Lastimosa: Kinahanglan naay accounting sa mga suga sa kadalanan nga gi-agian sa chicken.

Jejomar Binay: Para mag-rally!

Mar Roxas: To survey chicken prices in the market.

Manny Villar: I will provide utmost assistance should the chicken decide to go abroad.

Kiko Pangilinan: To watch Caregiver.

Sharon Cuneta: I love you Kiko! I love Chicken McDo, too.

Gabby Concepcion: To watch P.S. I Love You.

Cherie Gil: Sinira ng manok ang daan, binaboy niya. The chicken will never make it because it’s a fake chicken. The chicken is nothing but a second rate, trying hard, copycat! Ergo, the one crossing the road is either a pig or a cat.

Winston Garcia: We are cooking something together for Meralco. The chicken will check its E-Card as a government employee.

Juday: Dahil na-initan siya. Ang hindi natin alam ang chicken talaga ay isang yelo. Opo, isang yelong natutunaw, hindi natin nakikita, pero yelo talaga ang chicken.

Ate Vi: To watch Darna and the Giants, of course! Or Chicken, Chicken…Paano Ka Ginawa?

Ate Guy: Dahil walang himala. Nasa diyos ang awa, nasa manok ang tuka.

Ruffa Guttierez: Hay naku, we are not allowed to eat crossing chickens in Istanbul.

Annabelle Rama: Hay naku day, manood nalang yang pobreng manok na yan ng Monster Mom. Ibibili ko pa siya ng Andok’s noh.

Gretchen Baretto: To sing songs with me for Tonyboy. Tonyboy will put them in an album.

PGMA: To be good and working chicken. It’s hard enough to be a great chicken. Hello, Garci?

Virgilio “Garci” Garcillano: Hello, Ma’am. Nabilang na po ang lahat ng chicken sa Mindanao. Kahit yung hindi tumawid, pinatawid natin.

Maja Salvador: If the chicken joins showbiz, lahat magbabago. Kahit chicken shampoo niya magbago rin.

Vicki Belo: Para magpa-lipo. It has too much chicken skin.

FPJ: Dahil walang matigas na manok kinatay sa mainit na kawali.

Melanie Marquez (on the phone when asked about this): I coudn’t care a damn! Wait somebody’s over the line talking also… Hello? For a while. Please hang yourself. Hello, my brother Joey is out of town, would you like to wait? And why should I have a calling card? I’m not a call girl! So what’s your next question again before this?

Source: http://swerver.multiply.com/journal/item/152/PINOY_VERSION_why_did_the_chicken_cross_the_road

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road (Another Point Of View)

We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring
greater services to the American people.

The chicken’s habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

I don’t know why the chicken crossed the road, but I’ll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I’ll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with
crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I’m talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer’s market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what they call it — the other side. Yes, my friends, that Chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.”

Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, The chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I’ve not been told!

To die. In the rain. Alone.

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

It was a historical inevitability.

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

What chicken?

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook – and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

I missed one?

Source: http://www.freemaninstitute.com/chicken.htm