Funny Work Quotes

HAM AND EGGS – A day’s work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.
More funny Anonymous quotes

***Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
More funny Edgar Bergen quotes

***Conway’s Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on – This person must be fired.
More funny Anonymous quotes

***Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.
More funny Robert Orben quotes

***Satisfaction Guaranteed or Double Your Garbage Back.
More funny Garbage Truck quotes

***Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, “Certainly, I can!” Then get busy and find out how to do it.
More funny Theodore Roosevelt quotes

***Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
More funny Anonymous quotes

***I am a friend of the workingman, I would rather be his friend than be one.
More funny Clarence Darrow quotes

***The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit.
More funny Dwight Morrow quotes

***The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
More funny Bove’s Theorem quotes

***If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
More funny Cannon’s Law quotes

***No project was ever completed on time and within budget.
More funny Cheops Law quotes

***People are always available for work in the past tense.
More funny Zymurgy’s Law of Volunteer Labour quotes

***If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.
More funny Lane Kirkland quotes

***We’re not Prince Charles and Princess Di. We don’t think of ourselves as royalty. We happen to be working people.
More funny Christie Brinkley quotes

***In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse. – Archie Bunker
More funny Carroll O’Connor quotes

***Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
More funny Oscar Wilde quotes

***An ant on the move does more than a dozing ox.
More funny Lao Tzu quotes

***One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.
More funny Bertrand Russell quotes

***I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
More funny Jerome K. Jerome quotes

***The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more.
More funny Jonas Salk quotes

***I make a lot of money, but I don’t want to talk about that. I work very hard and I’m worth every cent.
More funny Naomi Campbell quotes

***A bum asked me “Give me $10 till payday.” I asked “When’s payday?” He said “I don’t know, you’re the one who is working!”
More funny Henny Youngman quotes

***I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he’s out of.
More funny Henny Youngman quotes

***I don’t know Laura Bush. But she seems to be calm, and she has a sparkle in her eye, which is good. But I don’t know that she’s ever had a real job – I mean, since she’s been grown up.
More funny Teresa Heinz Kerry quotes

***I didn’t have to work till I was three. But after that, I never stopped.
More funny Martha Raye quotes

***Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy.
More funny Huey Long quotes

***Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. (Charlie McCarthy)
More funny Charlie McCarthy quotes

***If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.
More funny Claude McDonald quotes

***People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The trouble is they want a week’s pay for it.
More funny Joey Adams quotes

***So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said ‘You’ve been promoted.’ And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said “You’ve been promoted again.’ And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said ‘You’re managing director.’ And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said ‘What happened to you?’ And I said ‘I careered off the road.
More funny Tim Vine quotes

***Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.
More funny John Ciardi quotes

***Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason why so few engage in it.
More funny Henry Ford quotes

***Working gets in the way of living.
More funny Omar Sharif quotes

***Why is it men are permitted to be obsessed about their work, but women are only permitted to be obsessed about men?
More funny Barbra Streisand quotes

***I mean what good does it do anyone to kill themselves working, because the worms will get you in the end.
More funny Dorothy Gish quotes

***What do hookers do on their nights off—type?
More funny Elayne Boosler quotes

***Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
More funny William Archibald Spooner quotes

***I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
More funny Charles Lamb quotes

***The harder I work the luckier I get.
More funny Samuel Goldwyn quotes

Source: http://www.basicjokes.com/

Advertisements