Funny Work Quotes

HAM AND EGGS – A day’s work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.
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***Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
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***Conway’s Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on – This person must be fired.
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***Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.
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***Satisfaction Guaranteed or Double Your Garbage Back.
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***Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, “Certainly, I can!” Then get busy and find out how to do it.
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***Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
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***I am a friend of the workingman, I would rather be his friend than be one.
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***The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit.
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***The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
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***If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
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***No project was ever completed on time and within budget.
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***People are always available for work in the past tense.
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***If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.
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***We’re not Prince Charles and Princess Di. We don’t think of ourselves as royalty. We happen to be working people.
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***In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse. – Archie Bunker
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***Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
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***An ant on the move does more than a dozing ox.
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***One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.
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***I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
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***The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more.
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***I make a lot of money, but I don’t want to talk about that. I work very hard and I’m worth every cent.
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***A bum asked me “Give me $10 till payday.” I asked “When’s payday?” He said “I don’t know, you’re the one who is working!”
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***I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he’s out of.
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***I don’t know Laura Bush. But she seems to be calm, and she has a sparkle in her eye, which is good. But I don’t know that she’s ever had a real job – I mean, since she’s been grown up.
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***I didn’t have to work till I was three. But after that, I never stopped.
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***Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy.
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***Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. (Charlie McCarthy)
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***If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.
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***People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The trouble is they want a week’s pay for it.
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***So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said ‘You’ve been promoted.’ And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said “You’ve been promoted again.’ And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said ‘You’re managing director.’ And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said ‘What happened to you?’ And I said ‘I careered off the road.
More funny Tim Vine quotes

***Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.
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***Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason why so few engage in it.
More funny Henry Ford quotes

***Working gets in the way of living.
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***Why is it men are permitted to be obsessed about their work, but women are only permitted to be obsessed about men?
More funny Barbra Streisand quotes

***I mean what good does it do anyone to kill themselves working, because the worms will get you in the end.
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***What do hookers do on their nights off—type?
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***Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
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***I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
More funny Charles Lamb quotes

***The harder I work the luckier I get.
More funny Samuel Goldwyn quotes

Source: http://www.basicjokes.com/

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4 comments on “Funny Work Quotes

  1. maira mahmood says:

    hy……these quotes r seriously damn true………im aloneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :((((

  2. Naveed says:

    Mair: Being alone is fine as long as you don’t confuse and mix it with loneliness. There is nothing wrong being alone, its the loneliness that can kill you…..

  3. Shoshana says:

    Hey! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept chatting about this. I will forward this article to him. Fairly certain he will have a good read. Many thanks for sharing!

  4. […] Funny work quotes « the gathering […]

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