Funny Work Quotes

HAM AND EGGS – A day’s work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.
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***Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
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***Conway’s Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on – This person must be fired.
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***Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.
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***Satisfaction Guaranteed or Double Your Garbage Back.
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***Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, “Certainly, I can!” Then get busy and find out how to do it.
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***Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
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***I am a friend of the workingman, I would rather be his friend than be one.
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***The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit.
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***The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
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***If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
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***No project was ever completed on time and within budget.
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***People are always available for work in the past tense.
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***If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.
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***We’re not Prince Charles and Princess Di. We don’t think of ourselves as royalty. We happen to be working people.
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***In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse. – Archie Bunker
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***Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
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***An ant on the move does more than a dozing ox.
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***One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.
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***I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
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***The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more.
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***I make a lot of money, but I don’t want to talk about that. I work very hard and I’m worth every cent.
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***A bum asked me “Give me $10 till payday.” I asked “When’s payday?” He said “I don’t know, you’re the one who is working!”
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***I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he’s out of.
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***I don’t know Laura Bush. But she seems to be calm, and she has a sparkle in her eye, which is good. But I don’t know that she’s ever had a real job – I mean, since she’s been grown up.
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***I didn’t have to work till I was three. But after that, I never stopped.
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***Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy.
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***Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. (Charlie McCarthy)
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***If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.
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***People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The trouble is they want a week’s pay for it.
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***So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said ‘You’ve been promoted.’ And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said “You’ve been promoted again.’ And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said ‘You’re managing director.’ And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said ‘What happened to you?’ And I said ‘I careered off the road.
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***Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.
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***Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason why so few engage in it.
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***Working gets in the way of living.
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***Why is it men are permitted to be obsessed about their work, but women are only permitted to be obsessed about men?
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***I mean what good does it do anyone to kill themselves working, because the worms will get you in the end.
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***What do hookers do on their nights off—type?
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***Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
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***I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
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***The harder I work the luckier I get.
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